Our Infertility Story PART 1

I haven't talked much on here about our infertility story.  The "I" word has been dropped a few times and definitely alluded to, but the details haven't been shared.  For a while I think it was because Phil and I were a little ashamed.  After we got over that and realized the only reason infertile couples feel ashamed is because it isn't talked about enough, we branched out a little.

Since I am currently in one of the last steps of my thyroid cancer treatment (God willing), it seemed like a good time to discuss how I found out about the cancer.  And in our case, infertility helped in finding my cancer.  Not to be too dramatic, but infertility may have saved my life.

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Easter Sunday we went to church and then to my parents's house for dinner.  After dinner, we went to my dad's cousin's widow's house (did you follow that?) for an Easter egg hunt and dessert.  The drive to the Easter egg hunt was about an hour.  During the drive, Phil did his weekly phone call with his parents and drove (hands-free, don't worry) while I sat.

And it got me thinking...

I remember Easter last year.  We had just found out again that I wasn't pregnant and I had a feeling that things just weren't right.  Even though statistically it can take up to a year to get pregnant, for our age, it really shouldn't take longer than 6 months.  And we were past that.  We had decided we were going to explore some fertility tests to figure things out.

I remember thinking how sad I was that day.  Talking to my family was hard because I was just so upset that I wasn't pregnant.

Oh how little I knew at the time.

{The Columbia River Gorge, Oct. 2011.  I just think every post needs a picture.}

A couple of weeks after that, we got some of our fertility tests back.  Things weren't normal.  And nobody would really tell us what it meant.  We would need to see a reproductive endocrinologist for that.

For about a month and a half after that, we could hardly look at each other without bursting into tears.  There is something so fundamentally heartbreaking about having fertility issues.  I still can't figure out exactly why that is.  I think it could be because reproducing is such a basic human ability so many take for granted.  I mean, 16-years-olds can get pregnant in the back of cars.  Surely a responsible, financially stable, married couple should be able to have a baby.

When we had finally dealt with the news, we decided it was time to move forward and find a reproductive endocrinologist.  We are fortunate enough to live close to a couple of wonderful fertility clinics who offer several open houses and free seminars.  And since this is a HUGE decision to make (I think everyone is aware how expensive fertility treatments can be), we wanted to be completely informed when we picked a clinic and a doctor.

After 2 months of research, we had picked a clinic.  A couple of weeks after that, we had an appointment.  The appointment was excellent.  The nursing and administrative staff were so helpful.  The doctor walked us through every possible procedure.  And we left with the doctor saying, "We are going to get you pregnant by the end of the year."  We left feeling totally optimistic and with instructions to call on the first day of my next cycle.

That was a Thursday...

(It was a super long post, so I split it in 2.  Come back for PART 2 tomorrow...)

I've got a certain GLOW

{image from here}

I am headed to the hospital for what I am calling my "Thyroid Cancer Prison."  I will be in the hospital until my radioactivity levels drop to a level that is deemed safe for the public.  It can take between 18 hours and 3 days.

Everything I take with me into my "cell" has to stay there indefinitely.  They will hold everything I touch for 3 months and then dispose of it.  The room will have a TV and a phone.  No visitors.  And still on the low-iodine diet.  So here is what I am taking:

{Just some of the loot I am trekking to the hospital}

- My mom has been saving me magazines
- Sudoku book
- Crossword puzzle book
- Matched
- Two tennis balls (to play catch with myself)
- Fleece blanket (just a big piece of fabric I got for cheap)
- Socks (my feet get cold)
- Some low-iodine snacks
- A toothbrush (even though they are providing one, I wanted a good one)
- Soap (I won't be able to shower, but I can wash my face)
- Pens
- Phone numbers
- Lemon drops and Green Apple Jolly Ranchers (to help keep my salvatory glands working, a side effect of the RAI)

I had quite a bit of anxiety a couple of weeks ago about this part of the process.  Something about being kept in a hospital room and not being to leave, even if I wanted to.  I am guessing that is what jail feels like (without the yard time).  Or maybe what being committed feels like (without the fun crazies to talk to).

Phil will have my phone and is going to read me any of the comments you guys send me.  If you get a response, it is coming from me via my wonderful husband.  Not sure who is more looking forward to this process being over: me or him?

I've written some posts for the rest of the week, so I hope you will check back.

Another WILD Weekend

I got a call from the hospital Friday afternoon regarding my radioactive iodine treatment this next week.  They asked if I had any questions regarding my treatment.  I mentioned that I hadn't heard from my endo's office regarding my the results of my bloodwork.  He looked for me and told me my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) was above 50 (they stop measuring at 50) so I was good to go for tuesday.

Side note:  Normal TSH should be between 1.0 and 3.0.  For radioactive iodine, you have to go off your thyroid medicines to elevated your TSH above 30.  But it makes you feel like garbage.

My last weekend on the low-iodine diet was spending gearing up for my radioactive iodine treatment.  We ran errands Saturday morning which included a trip to Costco to get a book Tegan had recommended called Matched.  On our way to the book section, we found this:

Otherwise known as Phil's worst nightmare.  He is getting his PhD in Environmental and Molecular Toxicology and his dissertation research focuses on pesticides in watersheds.  He isn't anti-pesticide, but he is pro-educated pesticide management.  He has a problem with Round-Up because it is so readily available and people over apply it.  Even though it degrades relatively quickly in the environment, the constant use provides a steady concentration of Round-Up in most surface waters constantly.

We got the book, watched some more Big Love and then went to my brother and sister-in-law's house for Canasta, boys vs. girls.  We have gone 3 full rounds (5 hands in each round) and the boys are slightly ahead of the girls.  But we didn't lose any ground, so it was a success.

Sunday morning, we got up to head to church.  As I was getting ready, I made the unfortunate mistake of yawning.  My entire left side seized up, from my hip up through my shoulder and I was in so much pain.  I managed to yell for Phil who found me on the floor of the bedroom.  He gently rubbed my side, ribs and shoulder until the cramp went away and I was able to get back up.  But for the rest of the day, breathing was painful and I felt like the muscle cramp could come back at any minute.  Stupid high TSH!

I can imagine that is pretty close to what a heartache feels like.  Let me tell you... Not a fan.  I definitely don't want to be having one of THOSE any time soon.  Or ever.

After church and a few more errands, I worked.

Using leftover plywood from my DIY Chalkboard, I set up a little lap desk in my recliner.  With Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince playing in the background, I spent over 4 hours designing some buildings.  Awesome.

I finished the bulk of the work I needed to do to be gone all this week (and probably most of next week).  I can't start taking my thyroid meds until the 26th, so I can't imagine working will be very easy, even after the diet is over.

And I fully intend to take the afternoon off today.  :)

That was a long post about nothing.  Thanks for hanging in there.

Cherry Trees

I have been telling Phil since probably last year that I wanted to go take pictures of the cherry trees near the Capitol Building (Oregon, not Hunger Games).  Oregon weather has been a real witch with a "b" these days.  We've hardly had any sun, but TONS of rain, wind and hail.  Well, the day before Easter, we woke up to sunshine.  And Phil and I decided we needed to seize the day and go grab some pictures.

I tried to back out at least 3 times (stupid lethargy) but with Phil's prompting, we still went.  And I am very glad we did.  Here are some of my favorites:

{almost the same as the second picture, but not quite and I couldn't pick}

Don't worry, the rain has come back.  Explains my Vitamin D deficiency.

Phlebotomy Hell

To prepare for my Radioactive Iodine Treatment, I had to have some blood work done.  In case you were wondering, thyroid stuff means you have to get your blood taken A LOT.  Anyway... the blood tests included thyroid panel, thyroid cancer marker tests, CMP (whatever that is), and a blood pregnancy test (please...).

Now, I am not someone who is afraid of needles.  I'm not a huge fan of them, but getting my blood taken doesn't invoke a panic attack or make me want to vomit/pass out.  I think it is because whenever I had to have my blood taken when I was little, my mom bribed me with a Happy Meal if I was a brave girl.  Which I always was.  Loved me my McDonald's.

Usually, the tech that draws my blood does a wonderful job.  Can't even feel it.  No bruise.  She is wonderful.  So there really hasn't been any need to be anxious

But my last blood draw from the lab at the endo's office was SO PAINFUL.  I had a different tech and she was horrible.  It was one of those where they dig around and say, "Oops!  I went too far."  And thyroid tests take like 6 vials, so it isn't a short process.

So when I went in on Tuesday, I was really hoping for my previously wonderful phlebotomist.  I got a different lady.  My previous interactions with her haven't been that stellar.  This is mostly because she lacks any people skills.  And partially because she was wearing a Star Trek pin.

I sit down and she asks to see both arms which she then proceeds to grope, trying to find the right vein.  For those of you who don't know me, I am white.  Like super white.  Practically translucent.  I make vampires and albinos look they are from the Jersey Shore.  She finally finds a vein and it is a SUPER PAINFUL blood draw.

At this point, I was kicking myself for not requesting a different phlebotomist.

The one redeeming thing about this woman was when she said, "It must be scary to think about them cutting into your neck like that."  That is nice.  She then followed it up with, "Hopefully the doctor has a steady hand."  Yes.  That very sentence caused about a month of panic attacks before my first surgery.

My arm hurt for the rest of the day.  Literally 10 hours of arm pain.  And she left me with this:

{I told you I was white. You can see my veins in this picture.}

I love looking like an intravenous drug user.  Good times.

Easter Basket

Question:

What does the Easter Bunny bring you when you are on a low-iodine diet and can't eat hardly anything?

Answer:

An Edible Arrangment.  I had never gotten one of those before.  Those are chocolate covered pineapple bunnies (which I couldn't eat).  Phil said they were delicious.

The rest of the fruit was REALLY yummy. 

Thanks Dad! 

Oops. 

I meant the Easter Bunny.  :)

Lethargic and Random

My medically induced hypothyroidism is really starting to take the wind out of my sails.  I am really surprised at how I feel, actually.  I thought I would feel sick.  Kind of like I had the flu or something.  But it isn't really like that at all.

It is just this overwhelming lethargy (mixed with lots of other lovely symptoms).  Getting myself to do the smallest and most important things takes a HUGE pep talk from myself.  The day of the popcorn incident, it took my an hour to eat a banana.  And I was starving.  And then last night, I had to pee for like an hour and a half and just couldn't make myself get up and go.

It has to be getting on my husband's nerves.  Thankfully, I married up and he has been SO WONDERFUL with me this week.  Last night I was in bed and Phil was downstairs (I've been giving him some alone time to help him keep his sanity) and I started getting a headache.  There was no way I could get up and get my own Tylenol and I didn't have the energy to yell at him.  So I sent him a text message.

That's how we roll.

For those of you keeping track, I go in for my RAI treatment (or what I call "Thyroid Cancer Prison") next Tuesday.  I don't know how long I will be held hostage kept in the hospital.  It depends on how quickly the radiation levels drop.  Could be a day.  Could be 4 days.  We will see.  I started thinking that I should have been a little more proactive in planning my absence from the world, maybe arranged for some guest posts.  But I am pretty sure it is too late now.  Plus that would require energy to plan and organize it which I do not have.

I would have asked Grace from Camp Patton, since she has had Thyroid Cancer and been through all this jazz.  Although I don't think she whined about it, unlike me.

I would have had Tegan from EnLove with Life do a post since she and I are real life friends.

{Proof.  Tegan was in my bridal party.  And man... my friends are good lookin'}

I probably would have asked Jes from Two Smuppies.  We "met" through Tegan and I have determined that we are best friends, even if Jes doesn't agree (which she does).

But I didn't do any of that.  My bad.  You can always go read their blogs in my absence since they are all funny ladies.  However, it is my intention to plan ahead (a little) and post anyway.  I just won't be able to put the links one Facebook and Twitter.

This post had no purpose.  I'm honestly shocked I had the energy to write this much.  I should probably stop now.