A Season of NEW

{The Hank Man on Christmas Eve with my brother}

Christmas is past, so let the New Years posts commence.  Much like everyone's frantic New Year's Resolution flock to the gym, it is my duty as a blogger to write a New Years post, amiright?  I figured I needed to get this post done sooner rather than later, since one of my New Year's Resolutions will be to be more on top of things.

Done and done.

I not-so-secretly HATE New Year's Eve.  For some reason, I find it extremely depressing.  I don't know if it is because high school and college were filled with some pretty crappy New Year Eves.  Whatever the reason, I despise it.  Henry kind of gives me an excuse to maintain my low-key ways.  I am hoping we can get some take-out, rent a movie, and go to bed early and perhaps Henry will start the 2014 off by sleeping through the night.  A new mother's dream.  :)

It's also not a secret that the last couple of years have been nothing short of a challenge for Phil and I. 2011 was filled with trying to have a baby and then trying to find out if I had cancer.  2012 was the year I dealt with cancer.  2013 made me a mother and we lost Phil's dad.  I don't hate the last few years for being hard.  The challenges made me grow as a person and helped to build a strong foundation for Phil's and my marriage.

However, I'm hoping for a low-key year.

I'd like a year with few major life changes.  No health crises.  Perhaps a year of not meeting my insurance deductible.

I'd like a year that we aren't functioning in full stress crisis mode.  A year where we can sit and relax and enjoy this life we are building together.

I want to sit and play with Henry without feeling major life events looming over me.  I want to find the joy in taking care of my husband, son and puppies.

But I think what I am most excited about, is I want to discover what I'm about again.  I used to LOVE doing so many things.  Cancer and pregnancy helped rob me of my motivation to do the things I love.  Now I'm not even sure what those things are anymore.

Because I am not the same person anymore.  The last few years have REALLY changed me.  Part of it is that I am emotionally different now.  I deal with things a lot differently now.  But I am physically missing my thyroid.  I have heard horror stories from people post thyroidectomy that their energy levels never get back to what they once were.  I need to find my new normal.

For the first time in a few years, I am hopeful.  I have a sense of peace about this next year.

So Phil and I are preparing to say good-bye to 2013, and cheers to a happy, healthy 2014.

Happy New Year!

2010/2011 and Faith

In a convoluted way, I found THIS POST. It really got me thinking...







2010 has been quite the year, full of ups and downs. There were definitely more ups than downs for me personally and I am ever so grateful for that. I know not everyone can say the same thing. But it has really gotten me thinking about things and that post definitely had something to do with it.







In general, I find New Years to be really depressing. It could be that I haven't really had a steller one probably ever. After a couple of crappy ones in a row, I kind of gave up on the concept of New Year's Eve. I pretty much lay low now.







But I find the idea of a blank slate to be kind of scary. The unknown of an entire year. So much can happen in a year, both good and bad. The good I can handle. The bad terrfies me. I wish I could be the type of person that found the prospect of a new year to be an exciting thing, but lately I am not that kind of a person.




Lately I have realized how much I struggle with faith (not just my mother-in-law). I have always been a Christian and I have never doubted my beliefs in Christ. Even through dating an avid aetheist, I never once doubted God. In fact, dating an aetheist only enforced my beliefs (turns out having someone question your every belief can be an awesome way to affirm them). I struggle mostly with trusting God and having faith that he will provide.

On a day when I am feeling rational, I don't struggle so much. On those days, I know that my lack of faith in God providing for me is entirely rooted in the fact that I take all that he has provided to me for granted.

On my less rational days, I think of all of the people who have bad things happen to them. I think of statistics. Obviously the odds of having a tragedy happen to your family are slim, but tragedies DO happen to people. On my less rational days, I fear being that small percentage. And it terrifies me. I have felt this way for a long time and I know it is something I need to work on.

Today, I read this quote:

So that is what I am going to do. I need to accept that I am going to have irrational days and I am going to be afraid. But I need to trust God, have faith, and live in spite of all of the horrible things that can happen.



And even though most people think New Year's resolutions are dumb, I think I am going to try and set some. But I am going to do it with Donald Miller's rules. I am going to set resolutions that help enhance my life story. I am a couple of days behind, but I am definitely going to do it.



Stay posted...



Love, Mrs. Janney