Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Googly-Eyes

Last weekend, my cousin got married.  He's the first of my younger cousins to get married and in some ways it was kind of weird to go to his wedding.  I used to baby-sit him.  It kind of made me feel old, but it also made me feel seasoned and wise.  I know I'm not, but I choose that over old.

The whole wedding was so beautiful.  And it was really cute to look over at them, all goggly-eyed at each, saying their vows with tears in their eyes.  So excited for their future together.

I remember that.

And then I thought to myself, I'm glad they are so madly in love with each other.  Because life certainly doesn't guarantee sunshine and rainbows.

Phil and I are a rarity, I know this.  Most couples do get to experience years of bliss before the struggles of life.  And that's a good thing.  Our pastor told us in our couple's counseling that we needed to build years of happy memories so we could draw on those experiences when life was hard. We just had to do things the opposite way.

It's not that there's any less love when things get hard.  But it is different.  Things change.  Seeing someone scared, coming out of surgery, recovering, completely helpless at times.  You kind of lose a little of the mystery.  Love grows mostly through admiration and a need to bare the weight of situations together.  When your grief and burdens are too much to carry alone, you can carry them together.  That's what marriage is.  Good and bad.  Sickness and health.  Feast and famine.  

The truth is, things feel different these days in the Janney household.  More like they probably should have over the last few years.  There's still grief and fear.  Those things will fade over time, but never fully go away.  But there's also optimism and excitement.

After we get Henry down for his nap on Monday, we walked around the backyard talking about things we wanted to do for landscaping, changes to the house and fence.  We've talked about changes to the front door and the fireplace.  How I want to change the kitchen backsplash or the 2nd bathroom.

We walked Henry to the park and took him down the slide for the first time.  His face lit up and we talked about bringing him back to that park during the summer to use the splash pad.  And the closest park with swings.  We talked about running loops to get back into running again.

We are planning.  We are living.  And it's exciting.

I can feel my goggly-eyes coming back.  :)

{The park wore him out}

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