Thursday, May 22, 2014

I need to forget...



My little man is almost a year old!  This time last year my water had broken, even though I didn't know it.  I just thought I had lost control of my bladder a little.  It was pouring down rain.  Phil and I went out to breakfast and then to Target to do laps while I had some contractions.

I can and can't believe it all at the same time.  Having a brand new baby usually keeps people from asking about your family planning plans, but as the baby gets older, the question comes back up.  I know this partially because I ask other people the same question (I'm a big believer in having absolutely no shame).

But whenever I get asked this question, I think people are a little taken back by my response.  It probably isn't the response ("Not for a little while longer") as much as the utter look of terror that crosses my face.  And I think that surprises some people because I have always been very vocal about wanting a large family.  I still do want a big family...

However...

There are a few things I need to forget before I am ready incubate another human.

-  Pregnancy wasn't so bad for me.  I didn't have morning sickness, but instead had terrible indigestion.  I didn't have to pee a million times in the middle of the night.  Sure, I was uncomfortable at the end but I plan on counterbalancing that the next time around with a king bed and giant pregnancy pillow.  You know what did hit me hard... pregnancy weight gain.  I ate pretty stinkin' healthy and still managed to gain 59 lbs.  I gained a steady pound a week for the first 2/3rd of the pregnancy.  That much weight gain was terrifying.  And even though I had lots of women telling me that I would lose the weight and not to worry, it sucks to gain so much and feel like an absolute whale.  I have very few pictures from my pregnancy with Henry because I was so embarrassed with how I looked.  I need to forget about the weight gain.  Next pregnancy... much more working out.

-  I won't even get into his birth because I think I am still traumatized from it.  How I ended up avoiding a c-section is beyond me, but I think it is SOLELY because of Phil and Joanna.  If they hadn't been there cheering me on, I would have given up during pushing.  After 2 FULL DAYS of labor and 2 hours of pushing every 2 minutes, I seriously almost gave up.  The kid's giant head was stuck on my pelvic bone.  Next pregnancy... A LOT of walking and squatting.

-  It started almost immediately after he was born.  I thought I was allergic to the bed sheets, since my toes were super itchy.  Turns out it had actually started before he was born.  The rash I had all over my stomach turned out to be a hormonal rash.  It moved to my feet after he was born and then spread up my legs.  Awful little blisters everywhere that burned and itched so bad.  Showers made me itch.  Blankets made me itch.  Pants made me itch.  The only thing that helped with the searing pain was bags of ice.  It only lasted about 7 days and then it started getting better.  Next time, I am going to start taking Zyrtec at like 37 weeks.  Plus someone told me that they got the rash once, but didn't get it with their next two pregnancies.  Fingers (and itchy toes) crossed.

-  The hormones didn't just give me a rash, but also some AWFUL baby blues.  Looking back, I actually think I had a little post-partum depression.  When the evenings came, I just wanted to cry.  I hated being in our bedroom so much that we actually camped out in our living room for almost a month, sleeping on the couches.  My parents spent a lot of time over at our house that first month and every time they would leave, I would cry.  I didn't actually snap out of it until we went back to Virginia for an emergency trip when Phil's dad was in the hospital.  And even then, I cried as we packed.  I'm hopeful that this next time won't be as bad because it won't be as overwhelming.

-  Pumping.  I hate pumping.  Breastfeeding is no problem.  If I could stay home with him all the time, it would be fine (except for the biting.  Ouch).  Don't get me wrong, I am super thankful I have been able to pump and have enough milk to last for basically a full year.  But I HATE pumping.  I need to forgot about my disdain for pumping.

-  Henry is an awesome baby.  I seriously don't know how we lucked out.  I take ZERO credit for how cute and happy he is.  So it isn't like we have had a super challenging babe to take care of.  Quite the opposite.  If I could be guaranteed to have all my babies be just like him, I could have half a dozen (although I would like at least ONE baby to be cuddly, please!  I only get Henry cuddles when he is sick).  But there are no guarantees in life (except death and taxes, I suppose) and I am slightly terrified that we will get a very high-maintenance little one next time.

-  Daycare.  It is EX.PEN.SIVE.  Seriously.  I at least need Henry to get out of the baby room before we have another kid.  Ideally, it would be nice if he was out of the potty-training room (yes... they do the potty-training at daycare).  It drops significantly in price.


I don't mean to sound like I am complaining.  I am overjoyed that I was able to experience pregnancy and childbirth since I know there are so many women who can't.  Ultimately, the real reason I want to wait a little while longer is because I am absolutely loving all the time with Henry.  We get to focus all of our attention on just him.  It won't ever be like this again.  Just the 3 of us.  So while I am trying to forget about all the reasons above, I am enjoying my little man.  Was he worth absolutely everything I listed?  Totally.  Without a doubt.  I'd go through even more for him.

But if given the choice, can we please skip the rash next time?

1 comment:

  1. found you through the mommy guilt link up, I think we might be the same person, okay that was a little creepy, but I'm an engineer making quilts and trying to do creative stuff :)

    okay now to your post, not to scare you, but my first sounds like your first born. My second quite the different story. But after 3 months she is totally an easy baby, but what a shock to the system to actually have to get up in the middle of the night! We knew we couldn't get lucky twice, but it really was hard. Agree with wanting as much time with your first. Ours are almost 3 years apart and I think it's perfect. He is able to help me with the baby, he understands what is dangerous for her, and can listen to directions...makes things a LOT easier!

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