Things have been really hard around here.
We are into November now. Phil is home (YAY!) but with being home comes a big dose of reality. We don't know when his dad will pass away, although we think it will be sooner rather than later. Phil's feeling stressed about his dissertation. Can't say that I blame him.
The change in time and change in the weather has made it darker, colder, and gloomier around here. It takes me back to a couple of years ago, when we were trying to get my thyroid nodules figured out. The phone call at 4:55 to come to the doctor's office. The LONGEST 5 minute drive with my dad, in the dark, while it rained. And all that followed. Even though things turned out alright, the fear still feels real and current.
So many hard things coming up and hard memories from the past, all at the same time.
It is making being thankful at Thanksgiving seem like an impossible challenge.
A combination of everything kind of makes me want to just skip Thanksgiving. Can we start focusing on Christmas? I want to decorate. Christmas lights. A Christmas tree. Cider. Presents. Scented candles.
My baby's 1st Christmas. I want to just bask in that.
But I think Phil might not go for it. Doesn't mean I can't start preparing. Part of the preparations includes STOCKINGS. Henry needs a Christmas stocking. A proper one, with his name. I'm thinking something like this:
Even though he won't remember this Christmas at all, it is time to start the Christmas traditions. And when the dark, cold nights start to make me remember scary times from the past or sad times yet to come, I will try to remember that this is Henry's 1st holiday season. And I am grateful and excited for that.