Skipping Thanksgiving

Things have been really hard around here.

We are into November now.  Phil is home (YAY!) but with being home comes a big dose of reality.  We don't know when his dad will pass away, although we think it will be sooner rather than later.  Phil's feeling stressed about his dissertation.  Can't say that I blame him.

The change in time and change in the weather has made it darker, colder, and gloomier around here.  It takes me back to a couple of years ago, when we were trying to get my thyroid nodules figured out.  The phone call at 4:55 to come to the doctor's office.  The LONGEST 5 minute drive with my dad, in the dark, while it rained.  And all that followed.  Even though things turned out alright, the fear still feels real and current.

So many hard things coming up and hard memories from the past, all at the same time.

It is making being thankful at Thanksgiving seem like an impossible challenge.

A combination of everything kind of makes me want to just skip Thanksgiving.  Can we start focusing on Christmas?  I want to decorate.  Christmas lights.  A Christmas tree.  Cider.  Presents.  Scented candles.

My baby's 1st Christmas.  I want to just bask in that.

But I think Phil might not go for it.  Doesn't mean I can't start preparing.  Part of the preparations includes STOCKINGS.  Henry needs a Christmas stocking.  A proper one, with his name.  I'm thinking something like this:

{Pottery Barn Stockings}

Even though he won't remember this Christmas at all, it is time to start the Christmas traditions.  And when the dark, cold nights start to make me remember scary times from the past or sad times yet to come, I will try to remember that this is Henry's 1st holiday season.  And I am grateful and excited for that.

I'm losing it

I am a little ball of anxiety.  Waiting for things is hard.  Waiting for this surgery is really hard.  It is less than 2 weeks away, but it feels like time is slowing down.

I am doing my best to keep myself busy and to enjoy the Christmas season.  And while this is my FAVORITE time of year, even that has been hard.  I don't have a lot of stuff on my schedule and everyone is busy/sick (seriously why is everyone getting sick lately?).

I am doing my best to keep myself sane and focused.  Here are a few things that last night helped keep my anxiety level down to a 4 (out of 10):

{my view from the couch}

{Crocheting.  This helps a lot.}

{I got my print and Christmas CD from Hue & Hum!  I am so excited!!  I have the CD playing now as I write this.  The print is called "It's Not Fair" and it was inspired by friends of the artist who have been dealing with infertility.  Too relateable}

And just for clarification, I was not given the print or the CD as a sponsorship type this.  I bought them.  I like to keep it old school.  :)

I am hoping to keep myself nice and calm today so I can be SUPER productive.  We will see.

Stay healthy, people.

Ten Little Things

Today I am linking up with E Tells Tales for her Friday Ten Little Ivie Things.  Elizabeth is HILARIOUS (I love someone who narrates their baby's thoughts with almost curse words), so I figured some of the lists other people post should be pretty funny too.

I have decided my list will be made up of random thoughts from throughout this past week.  All of which are too short for a blog post of their own.

{I just like this picture.  Image via my pinterest}

10.  I am in love with Friday Night Lights.  I finially finished the series on Netflix this past week and rather than move on to a new show, I just started it over again.  I love the show so much I had this conversation with Phil:

Me:  I think I thought of another baby name.

[Side note:  I'm not pregnant]

Phil:  Oh yeah?

Me:  Yeah.  I want to name our baby Tim Riggins.

Phil:  {no reaction}

Me:  First name Tim.  Middle name Riggins.  Therefore, Tim Riggins Janney.

Phil:  Sure.  Sounds good!

Me:  Or maybe if I ever get pregnant, we will refer to the unborn baby as "Baby Tim Riggins."  Do you think people will think that is weird.

Phil:  They probably will.

Me:  Whatevs.

I love Tim Riggins.  Not so much the actor though.  I saw him in one of the X-Men movies and it totally shattered the illusion.


9.  I saw a junior-high kid walking to school yesterday.  He was carrying a musical intrument.  While I was waiting for him to cross the street, I figured out what the instrument was... the bassoon.  I am 94% confident about this.  How do I know?  I play the bassoon.  And just in case you were wondering... I am quite good.


8.  I have a mental countdown to my surgery date.  And everything in my mind is relative to when I have my surgery.  Like Christmas?  I know that Christmas is 16 days away.  But the reason I know that is because my surgery is 18 days away.  I am thinking about making a paper chain.  Remember those?  (I am not really making a paper chain.)  I can't wait to get Ned and Noami out of my neck.  How awesome would it be to find out I don't have cancer?  I'd take that over a puppy.


7.  On sunday, I got my flu shot and on tuesday I got my bloodwork done for my surgery.  Both happened in my right arm (because I am left-handed).  I now think my right arm hates me.


6. Tuesday night, I had a meeting in Albany. I know you are jealous. My boss, aka mi pater (that's Latin folks), is on a committee that is working on a comprehensive plan for an undeveloped area in South Albany. He (and I since I keep going to the meetings) represent a client of ours who owns about half of the property in the area. Basically, it is our job to represent his interests in what happens to the area (aka make sure the entire area isn't dedicated to be a natural wildlife reserve which he can never develop).


I've now lost ALL of my readers.

The meeting invited the community to come and voice their opinions about what they envisioned for this area of town. Should their be a coffee shop here? Maybe some duplexes here? Light industrial or commercial development here?

And suddenly I realized...

We were all playing SimCity. Only now in real life.

I loved that game in the 7th grade. It was addicting. No wonder so many people showed up.


5.  Part of my pre-surgery bloodwork was a urine pregnancy test.  When I showed up to the lab, they informed me that my (two forms of) insurance may not cover the costs of the tests, and then I would be billed for costs.  They then told me the costs of the tests.  The urine pregnancy test was something like $26.  I seriously wanted to ask them if I could walk across the street to the Walgreens and buy a First Response Test or something.  It would be cheaper and I would have gotten like 3 of them.

The process of retrieving the urine sample was not super enjoyable either.  The previous patient had left their sample in the bathroom (gross).  There was "water" all over the floor.  At least I hope it was water.  There were liquid rings on the top of the toilet paper dispenser, as in people had put their filled cups there while they finished their business (also gross).  Pretty sure the floor was the cleanest thing in there.

That was probably an overshare.  Sorry people.


4.  Yesterday, I got to the office and realized I was wearing my black coat, navy blue pants, and camel colored Ugg slippers.  Definitely a fashion fail.  Did I mention I was wearing flannel as well?


3.  Last week, my mom told Jeffrey the truth about Santa. 

His friends at school kept telling him there was no Santa, so Jeffrey wanted to borrow my parents video camera to record Santa's antics on Christmas Eve.  That way he would have proof to show his friends.  Personally, I thought it was a genius idea.  My mom decided she couldn't lie to him.  She wanted him to believe her about other things like God and she was worried if she lied to him, he wouldn't believe her about other things.  Makes sense.

He cried.  And then he told her he wished she wouldn't have told him.  And he was mad at her the rest of the night.

Doesn't that break your heart?

At least my mom told him weeks before Christmas.  She told me 4 DAYS before Christmas.  And the only reason they told me is because my parents were going to buy the "Santa Gift" for my brothers and they had to bring me along with them.  I was like 10, so it was probably about time.

When I tell my kids about Santa, I am going to do it THIS way.


2.  I feel like I really belong in the blogging community now... I ordered a print off of etsy.  The artist's shop is called Lady Hue.  I also ordered her Christmas album.  She and her husband recorded the album in their bathroom.  It shipped yesterday!  I am so excited to get it.  The print is going up in my office.


1.  I got some comfy flannel pajamas on Black Friday to wear after my surgery.  They look warm, but not too heavy and have plenty of room around the neck.  Because I bought them for my surgery, I kind of feel like I shouldn't wear them before that.  I think this is proof that my mom was very strict about not wearing school clothes before the first day of school.  It would probably be ok if I wore my pajamas prior to my surgery.


Alright, I did it!  I won't lie... it was hard coming up with 10 things.  Hopefully some of you stuck around to read all 10.  :)

My Christmas List

I let Phil know what I wanted for Christmas this year.

{all images via Pinterest}

An English Bulldog Puppy

I want it with a bow on, under the tree, Christmas morning.


But Phil said no.  :(

They are like $2,000.  And we just bought a new TV.  Plus we might be looking at some medical expenses this next year.  Joy.

Phil said once he gets a big boy job, he will buy me a puppy.

I guess I can wait.

Holiday Spirit

Thanksgiving this year was, understandably so, a little weird.  Phil and I had cancelled our trip to Georgia and decided we would make dinner here for my parents and Jeffrey.  It was the second time I had made Thanksgiving diner myself (the first time was in England with Emory).  It turned out great, if I do say so myself.

After dinner, we all went over to the craft store to pick up a new fake tree for Phil and I as well as some lawn Christmas decorations for my parents.  They were having quite the sale.  I can easily say it was the first time any of us had some any shopping ON Thanksgiving.  Maybe a new interesting tradition?  Who knows.

Then we decorated our Christmas tree... on Thanksgiving night.  The only way I sold this to Phil is that TECHNICALLY we had already eaten dinner and dessert so we could consider Thanksgiving over.  Plus I had just found out I had cancer, so I got a little more leeway to do what I wanted.

I have added a few more things to the tree since I took this picture.  Phil says it looks like a professional tree decorator did our tree.  :)  Smart man. 

I used the banner I had made for Tegan's Bridal Shower, twisted some lights with it and draped it across the curtain rods.  I think it looks really cute.  I think I will finish the other banner like it I had started.

I still have a little more decorating to do, but we will see if I get the motivation to do it.  :)

Project Name and Christmas Spirit

I have gotten some awesome response regarding my name project. One of my aunts wants to make some hats too! Another of my friends is thinking of bringing her knitting needles out of retirement to try some as well. I think this is great! I am so excited about this, I am feverishly trying to finish my other couple of projects so I can get to work on some hats. :)



I think I have a name for the project...



The Little Hat Project



It's not a giant leap obviously, but I thought it was cute. I have no idea if this name is already used by someone, so if it is, I apologize. And I'm just using the name for purposes of this blog, not like a business or anything. I did a Google search really quick and nothing popped up, so hopefully I am good. :)



Phil and I are out of some essential home items (i.e. contact solution, soap, etc.) so we are headed to the Keizer Station Target tonight to replenish some supplies. Since Michael's just HAPPENS to be right next to it, we will then be heading over there so I can get my supplies for the HATS!!! I am so excited.



I feel like this project has come at just the right time for me. I will explain...



When Phil and I got married, we were pretty sure we were going to split up where we went on the holidays pretty well: Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas at home. This made the most sense because when we eventually have a family, we will not be uprooting our children on Christmas. So we figured, we might as well start this now that we are married.



In August, Phil's dad had a HUGE medical emergency (I think that is the best way to describe). Long story short, we found out through a catastrophic health event (internal bleeding) that he had Liver Cancer. When this whole thing happened, I put Phil on a plane and sent him back to be with his family for a week. I have zero regrets about this. If it were my dad, I would have been on the first available flight.



During this time, Phil found out that his dad really didn't like this idea. He likes his Christmas Eve traditions and everything. Me, being such a Daddy's Girl, I decided that we should go back to Virginia for Christmas this year. Phil's dad will get his traditions and his family can just be together after a kind of bumpy and stressful few months. Aren't I just an awesome wife?



I knew this would creat a kind of challenge for me this year. Ah... the joys of marriage and compromise. :) But Phil is totally worth it. But between the test and getting sick and travelling for Thanksgiving, we haven't been working out much and I am just wiped out. It is kind of taking away from my Christmas Spirit. I just don't have the energy or desire to really Christmas shop or decorate the house for Christmas. Last year we went all out. But this year, our first married Christmas, and I don't want to do anything. I haven't even gotten the Christmas candles out.



Anyway, I am just so thankful for this project. I think it is going to help keep my spirits up while I struggle with a little bit of a funk. I need to get back to working out because I know that will help. And I need to get this project started.



So... here are my hopes for the day:



- Finish reading about reinforced masonry (this is a work item and I know everyone is jealous of this one)



- Go the to gym. I would like to run a few miles tonight. Get the lungs workings.



- Go to Target



- Get The Little Hat Project supplies



- Finish current crocheting project





Wish me Luck!



Love, Mrs. Janney