I'm growing twins in my neck

Please excuse my absence from blogging this weekend.  I was doing my best to keep my anxiety level as low as possible.  You see... this morning I had an appointment with my endocrinologist.

I haven't mentioned full details on the blog, and I am not really sure why.  In July, the doctor found a thyroid nodule during my annual exam.  After having an ultrasound and some bloodwork done, it was revealed that I had 2 nodules (the twins, Ned and Naomi as Phil named them), hyperthyroidism, and Hashimoto's Disease.

I had an appointment in August (late August) with an endocrinologist (endo as we will refer to in the future, partially because endocrinologist is long and partially because I never spell it correctly).  She ordered more bloodwork and schedule a biopsy of the big nodule for September.

At my appointment in September, it is revealed that I no longer have hyperthyroidism but now I have hypothyroidism which completely explains why I felt like CRAP.  You would not believe how much thyroid levels can effect all aspects of how you feel.  I went from having weird heart feelings, sweating all of the time, with super achy feet and legs to having no energy and being cold all of the time.  Because I now was underactive, she wanted to put me on some thyroid meds and wait 2 months to see if the twins shrunk.

That brings us to today.  My fun fun FUN appointment to check my bloodwork and see if the twins had shrunk.  The good news is that my thyroid levels were down in a good range, pretty much right where she wanted them to be.  The bad news is that the nodules didn't really shrink.  Ned, the large one, got a little bit smaller while Naomi, the littler one, got a little bit bigger.  So she wants to biopsy both of them.

And while none of that is bad news necessarily, it wasn't at all what I really wanted to hear.  I was convinced the nodules had gotten smaller and was really hoping to hear, "Congratulations!  The nodules are smaller and there is NO WAY you could have thyroid cancer!!"  After spending the afternoon freaking out a little, crying some, and googling (BAD NATALIE!!), I am feeling a little better.

The reality is that thyroid cancer is really rare and odds are that the nodules will both be benign.  Even if they aren't, it is most likely that they are the types of thyroid cancer that have an excellent cure rate and after a little surgery and some radiation, I will be fine.  But tell that to my stress level.

Even if it is the best kind of cancer, I still don't want to deal with it!  And I keep going back to feeling like there are so many things going on in my life right now that a 26 year old shouldn't have to deal with.

I am trying to deal with those feelings and really just put my trust and my faith into God because I know He will take care of me.  Last week I had this huge sense of calm that everything is going to ok and there isn't a doubt in my mind that the feeling came from Him.

I go in for my biopsies (remember... there are multiple) on Wednesday.  I am, thankfully, not afraid of needles too much.  They aren't my favorite things in the world, but I can handle them.  Even so, I am not looking forward to getting poked in the neck 8 to 10 times.  And my anxiety about the whole thing is really starting to get the best of me.  My appetite is starting to disappear.  This happened to me in high school and all I could stand to eat was orange juice.  I lost like 10 pounds in a week.

I would really appreciate any and all prayers you can send my way for the biopsy, my anxiety, and the results (let's pray for good, non-cancer results).  I am so thankful for the friends and family who have supported me so far in this process.  It means so much to me to have you all there for me. 

So now you are up to date.  Man that was long.