Roller Coaster

This past week and weekend have been down right exhausting.

And it really doesn't seem like they should be.

It's this house-hunting stuff.  It's a gosh-darn emotional roller coaster.

And the thing is... it really shouldn't be.  Not only because I feel like these things should be cut and dry (maybe it's because I'm an engineer and we specialize in land development, so value is value is value and that should be the end of the story.  I don't like the real estate mind games), but because I realize in the grand scheme of things, these really aren't problems.

After everything we have been through in the past few years, house hunting should be the least stressful thing.

We aren't waiting for test results.  No puppies are dying.  We have a baby.  We are healthy.  We don't have any terminally ill parents.

See where we set the bar?  Real high up in here.

Perspective is really good to have in a lot of ways.  But sometimes, all the stuff we have been through kind of throws off my judgement a little.

I have struggled with anxiety for so long that I no longer know what a healthy level of worry is.

Maybe it is because grief makes you so up and down but it almost seems like all of the challenges we have faced only exaggerate when things don't go our way.  Little, understandable things become EXTREMELY disappointing.  I find myself battling between feeling like the sky is falling and wanting to slap myself because it's not like I am battling cancer here, everything will be ok.

Here's what the rational side of me knows:
-  Buying a house is most likely the biggest purchase Phil and I will ever make.
-  I know enough about the housing market to know that I don't want to make a bad decision.
-  It's the beginning of the real estate season, so there will be more homes available.
-  There will be more homes.
-  It's ok to get a little emotionally attached to a house.  After all, if we are putting an offer on something, that means we can see our family living there.
-  And it is also ok to be disappointed a little if the house doesn't work out.

Perhaps this is one of the reasons they don't recommend making major life decisions within 6 months of losing a loved one.