To my baby boy,
I've attempted to write you letters several times during this pregnancy, but the words would never come. From the very beginning, your existence has been too good to be true. I was starting to feel like your daddy and I weren't meant to be parents the traditional way, or maybe at all. There really wasn't a day that went by that my heart didn't ache for a family, for you.
Even though I knew I needed to be patient, to wait to be through with thyroid cancer so we could move forward, each day felt like forever. Every time I heard of someone else being pregnant or having a baby, I would get angry. I was mad it was so easy for them when it was so hard for me. I was upset I had to have cancer. I was disabled by how unfair the situation felt. I couldn't understand why I was being kept from you.
And then I got a feeling. I got my scan and blood test results both back on Tuesday. By Thursday, I was pretty sure I was pregnant. On Friday, I knew you were in my belly.
There are no words to describe how happy, excited, and overjoyed your daddy and I were. You are the answer to our prayers and your timing couldn't have been more perfect. Almost the second your existence was ok, you were with us. It's as if God knew we couldn't wait any longer for you.
As excited as I am to meet you, a part of me is nervous for you to be born. For the last 9 months, it has been you and me. You've been with me every second of every day, with gentle (and not so gentle) kicks and rolls. Constant reminders of the gift from God that you are and how lucky I am. You're especially active during meetings, which makes me smile. And when I start to feel nervous about how you're doing, you always move, letting me know that you're alright. After you're born, I'll have to share you with everyone else. I won't be able to keep you safe one hundred percent of the time and I worry for how the world will treat you.
There are so many prayers and hopes I have for you, little boy. I pray you'll have your daddy's kind soul and good manners. I pray you'll be smart and make good choices. I pray you'll have empathy for others. I pray you'll constantly look for the good in the world and ways you can make it better. I pray you'll find your passion in life and work towards it. I pray you'll find a nice person to marry and share your life with. I pray that every day you know how much your daddy and I love you. I pray I can be the mother you deserve me to be. I pray that you will continue to be a gift from God to the world, just as you've been a gift from God to us.
You are my dream come true and I can't wait to meet you.
PS - Today is your official due date. It's time to come out.