Cards

I'm not a huge fan of Valentine's Day.  It is mostly because my birthday almost ALWAYS got combined with Valentine's Day by past boyfriends and that is just a cop-out.  But I also kind of hate the hype.  It's impossible to go eat anywhere.  I'm not a huge fan of chocolates.  And I DO. NOT. like getting flowers.  It *stems* (haha, get it?!) from having cancer.  Something about getting flowers when you are sick and then watching them die just really ruined them for me.

But I can get behind a card and a heartfelt sentiment.

The other night, Phil was at a Blazer game with my brother which gave Henry and I the PERFECT opportunity to go get our Valentine's Day cards for him.  Unfortunately for me, I decided to leave that to the end of my errand running and Henry was out of patience as he had allowed me to peruse clearance racks at Old Navy and Target before making my way to the card aisle.

{This isn't a picture from my shopping experience, but it looked rather similar}

After quickly reading EVERY card for husbands I concluded that they were all AWFUL.

Big suck-a-roo.

They either talked about "all the years" we have spent together or the "wonderful life" we have built together.  Well, we haven't been together long enough to talk about the vast number of years we have been together.  Sure, we have almost been together 6 years, but still... not eternity.  And while I do love Phil and enjoy our life together, it's not like we have arrived anywhere really.

It seems weird to talk about what an amazing life we have built together when things have been really hard.  We are doing our best to keep things together and good through one crisis after another.  We kind of started talking about it last night after I sent Phil this picture:

It's just crazy to think that that was just 9 months ago.  How quickly it flew by.  And how so much has changed since then.  Superficially, I lost the equivalent to half a person.  More importantly, we said hello to someone new and good-bye to someone we loved.

I needed a card that said something like, "I know we have been through another year of extreme challenges, but there is no one I would rather face them with but you."  And maybe, "It means more than a million roses or thousands of boxes of chocolates that you are by my side that absolutely everything."  I couldn't find that card.

Despite the challenges which have tested us this last year and will continue to test us for a little while longer (I'm looking at you, dissertation...), there have been great things too.

For one, it's not Valentine's Day 2012.

I now have another man in my life.  A new little Valentine.

So I guess we are building a wonderful life together.  It's just being built a little differently.  We aren't landing big jobs, taking adventurous vacations, or buying our dream home.  Our love is growing through scars and loss.  Battles with cancer, won and lost.  Through life and death.

And through it all, I love him.