Thursday, October 20, 2011

The past couple of days

I just thought I would give a glimpse into the last couple of days we have had.

1)  Phil and I actually got to spend all of Saturday together.  It was awesome and really weird since I have barely gotten to see him in the last month.  We went to the OSU football game, spend some time in the lab, and then went to Costco and Target.  It was super romantic and I LOVED IT!!  :)

2)  Phil went to the lab all day Sunday.  I ran 6 miles.

3)  Then Sunday night I got mad at Phil because he likes to leave dishes in the sink until the sink is full and THEN do the dishes when I start cooking.  We have an agreement:  I cook and he does dishes.  So I calmly talk to him about the dishes.  Then I do the dishes

4)  We just fixed the upstair toilet lever and then the downstairs one broke... like 2 weeks ago.  Phil has been too busy to fix it.  The toilet barely flushes.  It is awesome.

5)  I had a really hard day Monday.  I struggle with anxiety.  It is a problem I have had for a while, but has really reared its ugly head hard this last summer when the whole bug/cancer thing popped up and thanks to thyroid problems, it hasn't backed down.  For some reason, it was triggered bad on Monday.  To make matters worse, I have been really busy at work and there wasn't anyone I really felt like I could talk to about it (especially since Phil is holed up in the lab where there is ZERO cell service).

6)  I decided to try and help my anxiety by running another 6 miles.

7)  I get home and Phil has a horrible headache.  The dishwasher is full of CLEAN dishes.  The sink is full of DIRTY dishes.  And I am now starving.  Everything is sneaking up on me and so what do I do?  I get upset with my husband who doesn't feel good.

It was definitely not one of my proudest wife moments.

8)  I unload the dishwasher, reload it and run it.

9)  Phil and I made up.

10)  I come home today from work... the dishwasher didn't run.  The soap dispenser didn't open.  And it is all my fault.  Which was actually kind of funny.  It took me running it and re-arranging it two more times to get it to actually get the dishes clean.


Obviously I was not really upset with Phil about the dishes.  My fall-back emotion is anger.  I tend to get mad when really I am feeling some other emotion that I would typically consider "vulnerable."  In the case of Phil and the dishes, I have been feeling really anxious and lonely.

I had to ask Phil for a little more attention.

And it made me feel like an even worse wife (like I could feel any worse for yelling at him when he didn't feel good) for asking my super busy husband to show me some more attention.  But life is a little extra crazy right now (you'd be amazed what affect your thyroid really has on your life).  And while I have been doing my best to support him in his work, I need some of his support back.

Once I told him that, everything made sense to him.  And he went out of his way to make sure I had a little more attention today.  While it hasn't made me feel super great yet, it is definitely helping.

Marriage is all about give and take.  And I am so glad I have a husband who will constantly work with me to find the right balance at the time.



And none of you actually read this because it was A LITTLE LONG.  :)

4 comments:

  1. I love your honesty! I totally read the whole thing!


    Maybe I should look back in your archives but I'm curious about the cancer/thyroid since I had thyroid cancer when I was pregnant with Julia.

    Thyroid problems are THE WORST. Seriously. they mess with literally everything...anyway. Sorry I'm nosy and you don't have to tell me a thing but I was just wondering!!

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  2. so incredibly true -- and I've had my fair share of those moments so far this fall. good reminder that it's OK to be vulnerable w/ the husbands...we can trust them :)

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  3. I hope you know you can ALWAYS talk to me....honestly!! I love talking to you and I love keeping up with your life. I can't wait til we are closer!

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  4. Nat, I am never online...but something compelled me to read your blog today. I know this is a couple days after you wrote your blog, but I hope you're doing ok. Keep me posted on your thyroid results. I love you so much!

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Let's be friends. I hope your e-mail is attached to your profile! Then I can e-mail you back.

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