Friday, November 23, 2012

Not sure why, but it's a long one

I know I still haven't done a post with all the fun details of how far along I am or whether or not we will be finding out the gender.  When we would be finding out the gender.  And sharing the delightful story of how many doctors you can freak out when you haven't waited the proper amount of time to get pregnant after having radioactive iodine treatment (and this one needs to be shared if for no other reason than that when another woman gets pregnant after radioactive iodine ablation she has one more resource over the current 5 on the entire internet for some info).  HELLO longest sentence E.V.E.R.

Right now, I am sitting in my beloved coffeeshop, attempting to do the impossible and catch up on my word count for my NaNoWriMo novel.  And I have to tell you... it feels a little impossible.  I finally peaked over 30,000 words (which I should have done like SUNDAY) and the thought of putting down another 20,000 kind of makes me want to cry.  It would probably help if I printed my story out, so I could visualize it a little better.  I am having a hard time remembering where things are exactly (an outline would have been a good idea).  But the other thing is... there are so many other things I REALLY want to be doing instead.

The main thing:  EXERCISE

Let me explain... I've never really been one to have weight issues.  Or at least, I didn't think I did.  After Phil and I started dating, we both gained some weight.  My mom referred to it as "happy weight".  After we got engaged (and I was the biggest I had ever been which really wasn't that big), I kicked my fitness into high gear and worked out A LOT.  I mean, we are talking minimum 15 to 20 hours a week.  While working.  I'd get up at 5 to go in before work.  And then still sometimes go after work.  And spent like 3 hours there on Saturday morning, taking back to back spin classes.  I actually think I may have caused my body to shut down and stop burning calories, because I was working out so much.

Anyway... I lost my happy weight and felt great about being in my wedding dress.  It was actually a smidge on the too big side, come my wedding day.  I had really wanted to keep going on the whole weight loss thing and lose another like ten pounds.

But newlywed life happened.  Then Phil's dad got sick.  Then we decided to start trying to have a baby.  And I had read all of these things about how you shouldn't be dieting and working out too much when you are trying to get pregnant, so I cut back.  And I put a few pounds back on.

And then the infertility came up, which as you know led to the cancer stuff.  And my exercise regime went completely in the drawer while I had surgeries and healed and went through the ablation and stuff.  Ever since, every time I tried to kick my exercising back into gear, I failed miserably.  I'd go a couple of times and then not for a month.  It was frustrating.

But... I managed to really not gain too much weight during the whole thing.  And from what I have hear, losing your thyroid and not gaining weight it pretty impressive.

Then I went and got myself knocked up.  Ironically, before I found out I was pregnant, I had been doing my best to get BACK in the gym.  You may recall my lofty ambitions of running two half marathons and I was serious about that goal.  Not so much anymore.

So now that I am pregnant, I have gained some more weight.  And I know it comes with the territory.  But partially thanks to the wonderful land of blogging, I am able to see how much weight OTHER pregnant women have gained.  And finding out that someone in their third trimester has barely gained much more than me?  Depressing.

This crazy long explanation is really just to explain that I must be growing the baby in my face and thighs because that is where I have expanded thus far (along with a baby bump).  Again... I know this is normal.  But I'm really not a fan of the pudgy face.  And it all came to a head yesterday when Phil was trying to take a picture of me for Grace's What I Wore Thanksgiving Edition.  After several screams of "Why would you even take a picture that makes me look like that?" and "Is that REALLY what my face looks like?" and "Do I have jowls?" and "Is the double chin always there or just when I put my head a certain way?" I was traumatized.

You wanna know what day isn't a good one to have a sensitive weight day?  Thanksgiving.

Top that off with the fact that some of the men in my family decided yesterday would be a good time to tease me about my weight.

There were definitely some tears shed.  Phil did he best to console me, tell me I am beautiful, and lecturing me that I really needed to cut myself a lot of slack.  And he's right.  It hasn't been a normal year.  A little extra weight gain is to be expected.  And I'll lose it all after the baby is born.

I felt really stupid crying over feeling fat when last Thanksgiving I was crying because I had cancer.  I blame my hormones, which seem to be raging these days.

Anyway... I think exercising would help me feel better about the whole thing.  So it needs to be done.  And it is starting to feel a whole lot more important that this novel.

There is one week left.  Do I just hunker down and try to suffer through it?  Or do I throw in the towel and start doing things I actually want to do?  I feel bad being a quitter.  But Phil keeps reminding me that this is something that is supposed to be fun.  And I think I lost the fun feeling a little while ago.

Anyway, I probably shouldn't have spent the time writing the LONGEST blog post ever and actually spent it working on my novel.  Whatever.  Procrastination wins again!

4 comments:

  1. Don't quit. Really. Don't. We're almost there! 7 more days and, for better or for worse, we're done!

    While I say that, I am also going to say that it's ok if writing your novel is not the most important thing in your life right now. You've had a crazy year and now a pretty intense month. But don't forget, doing NaNoWriMo isn't necessarily about winning. It's just about writing a LOT and even if you don't make it to 50 000, you will still have written a LOT and, maybe, begun the foundation for new habits when it comes to writing that you can carry on into the rest of the year.

    So, don't quit! But give yourself a break. Write as much as you can, but pay less attention to word count. Stop in time to head to the gym for an hour or go for a walk. Exercising and eating right will help the brain and therefore, maybe with the word count too!

    And, ultimately, if you decide that the novel really can't be a priority right now? No one is going to fault you for it. I got to 32 000 and quit the second time I attempted. I have never regretted not finishing and, instead, have just been proud that I tried it, proud that I got so far.

    I know you can still do it if you put your mind to it though.

    (Also, your family members should stuff it. How insensitive! *VIRTUAL HUGS*)

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  2. I totally think you need to cut yourself some slack! Just think of the year you've had! So, I say still work on NaNoWriMo...but don't stress about it, forcing it won't make it the novel you want it to be. Just do what you can, that will be enough! And, same goes for working out. Do a workout when you can fit it in, but don't beat yourself up if you miss one! It's hard to find time to work out...but i need to get back on that train too! Can't wait to hear all the fun baby details! :)

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  3. Congratulations on your pregnancy! As far as being pregnant, puffy and weepy...I'm sorry you are feeling that way. I don't have any advice other than try not to compare your pregnancy and experience to anyone else's. Easier said than done, I know. Also, I think it's wonderful that you are doing NaNoWriMo! However, if you've met your own personal goal or reason for participating then it's not quitting if you decide to stop. If you haven't met your goal, then maybe you should keep going - even if it's with less intensity. And exercise...why is that always the first thing that gets cut and the last thing that gets priority? (Maybe I'm just talking about myself?) Anyway, if it will make you FEEL better, then do it! It definitely made a difference for my mental state and physical strength when I was pregnant. Also, I may be way off base here since some things don't really translate in typed word, but honestly you sound exhausted. Like, really, really tired. Exercise might help with that, too.

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  4. I also completely agree with Phil that things you do in your spare time should be fun. And, although I am not involved in the novel month I guess it should also be something that is fun to accomplish (at least most of the time) and even if you finish the novel later this year, next year, or one other year, or even not at all it will be ok.
    I completely understand that you have other things to take care of.
    Oh, and a pregnancy is certainly bringing a lot of things and thoughts with it to be a little distracted from other things :-)

    Hope you are well !
    Regards,
    Svenja
    xx

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