One of the first projects on my sewing to-do list is the baby's quilt. I knew I wanted the nursery theme to be woodland animals, but I didn't care for any of the pre-made stuff I found. So I found some fabric I LOVED online and my mother-in-law got it all for me for Christmas.
So this weekend, I finally got started.
I didn't realize I would have a little helper.
As much as I loved the company and the idea of my little helper potentially chewing on the panels I had just put together (and doing some amorous activities with his buddy, the frog), I realized I needed a little space.
So we put the baby gate up (or dog gate as we call it).
Cotton wasn't really a fan. I'm not sure if you can tell from the picture, but he is resting his chin on the top of the gate. Doesn't that just break your heart?
I think they love me.
Side Note: Taylor is completely capable of jumping the gate. But she knows she isn't supposed to. She's such a good girl.
I've now been to several pregnancy doctor's appointments and several cancer doctor's appointments.
Without a doubt, I prefer the pregnancy appointments.
At cancer appointments, they use words like "undetectable" or they say things like "no sign of cancer for now". And then they immediately point out the plan for the future... of constant tests and checks that will never end to make sure that there is no evidence of cancer (or if there is, that it is caught sooner rather than later). So you leave feeling relieved, but knowing that you'll go through the whole thing in another 6 months. And then 6 months after that. And 6 months after that.
I'm still not sure if I can really say that I had or have thyroid cancer. Has it been long enough that I can refer to it past tense? I'm not sure.
But then you go to the pregnancy appointments. Everyone is so happy and upbeat. And while things aren't 100% in obstetrics, they still use words like "perfect" and say "everything looks wonderful". They don't say those things at cancer appointments.
Either way, so much of it is out of my control. I can't control how my baby is doing and I can't control if my cancer comes back. But the atmosphere at the OB's office is much more upbeat.
So after my mid week freak out last week, I decided the best way to deal with my mounting anxiety (can we say nesting?) was to make a list of everything we needed to get done and talk it over with Phil.
Phil agreed. He'd much rather help solve the problem than deal with a frantic, irrational pregnant woman.
Saturday morning, we went out for a coffee date.
We split the cinnamon roll and my coffee was decaf. No worries. I do miss caffeine.
And we made the nursery to-do list.
Now I know you can't see the entire list in that picture. Just know this... it's LONG. And most of the stuff on the list, I have to do (unless Phil suddenly learns how to sew which I don't see happening).
But the good news is that I realized most of my projects won't actually take as long as I had inflated in my mind. And that is good news because I kind of want to get the nursery done before March 9th (the date of my baby shower!).
We have a list and we have a plan! Now if you need me, I'll be holed up at my sewing table and going through crap stuff in the nursery. And don't be surprised if most of my posts are centered around craft pictures and the amount of crap stuff we are getting rid of.
Today started like any other day. Totally fine. I was feeling pretty good about the fact that it was already Wednesday. So I got up and get ready, headed out the door for work at just the right time. If I had left a minute later, I would have been late to work.
And then after the staff meeting, the freak-out started. I won't go into the nitty gritty of the freak out and what caused it, but let's just say it may have centered around the baby and all the stuff we still don't have for the baby and the fact that none of that stuff is cheap.
Phil's undergraduate degree is in Chemistry. I'm wondering why it couldn't have been in alchemy. Seriously. Where's a Sorcerer's Stone when you need one? (No? Harry Potter reference anyone?)
Then the freak out morphed into all of the things we need to do before the baby is born. Like the fact that I am making the baby's baby. Or perhaps that the nursery is still holding all of our extra crap we haven't gotten around to throwing/giving away/selling. Plus we need to paint it and put the furniture together and blah blah blah. The list goes on and on.
Pretty much the only thing we are up to date on is the actual growing a baby part and the birthing class. And I suppose those are the important things anyway.
Phil did the best he could to calm me down via text messages and gchat. But really nothing can really calm me down when there is a big To-Do list except actually crossing things off the list. Couple that with the fact that Phil's PhD project needs to be his number 1 priority (after the health of his family, of course) and I kind of feel like I need to be doing EVERYTHING.
Then my baby kicked me and rolled around. I realized that these are good problems to have. At least I'm not worried about having cancer at the moment. :) And that's when the freak-outs ended.
Thanks to my wonderful friend, Karla, I feel like I know a little more about nutrition than the average bear. So when we were driving to class Sunday afternoon, Phil and I kind of thought we would be extremely bored. In reality, while I may know about everyday nutrition... pregnancy is a whole different story. You need a few different things when you are making a person from scratch.
I won't go into all of the details, but the main thing I took away from the class was that I do not eat NEAR enough protein.
And honestly, I knew I was missing something in my diet because I haven't been feeling right for a while. I've been tired more than I think I should but I couldn't quite figure out why. After the instructor explained how important protein was in the mix, it all made sense.
So protein and I are basically bffs, which is why I am so glad I found THESE cookies on pinterest last week.
Are they low in calorie? Probably not because they are made with peanut butter. But other than that, they are jam packed full of protein. What are they made of? Chick peas, natural peanut butter, agave, baking soda, vanilla extract, and some chocolate chips. That's it! Really nothing bad.
I'm not saying I am going to be eating 6 of them. But at least I don't have to feel guilty about having 2. After all... I need the protein, right?
I already had written and scheduled for last week when all of a sudden I was inspired with like 3 or 4 or 5 blog posts all at once. So I had to decide which posts went up first and all that jazz. Difficult choices, I know.
But one I think DEFINITELY wanted to post about was some of the GREAT news we got last week.
So even though I finished my thyroid cancer surgeries and treatment and whole-body scan, my time at the doctor's office is not over. Every 6 months for a while, I'll have neck ultrasounds and blood work done to make sure I don't have any thyroid cells (or in my case thyroid cancer cells) that have come back. It is especially important since the type of cancer I have/had has a 30% recurrence rate.
My first set of test came last summer, right after I switched endocrinologists. My blood test was fine, but my neck ultrasound showed some enlarged lymph nodes that had to be investigated further.
It was an extremely scary and anxious time for me. I didn't really enjoy having to have more tests and wait even longer to be told everything was alright.
But I did find out that everything was alright. And I was sent on my way for the next 6 months.
That meant I had my next set of tests done in December and my follow-up appointment with my doctor was last week.
He confirmed that my ultrasound and blood tests came back great. Undetectable levels of thyroglobulin and undetectable levels of thyroglobulin antibodies. My neck ultrasound was clear. As of right now, no sign of cancer.
Phil and I decided we needed to celebrate. And since I can't currently enjoy a glass of champagne, that meant pizza and a cookie.
It was a very nice little celebration. And we look forward to many, many more in the future. :)
I've lived in Oregon my entire life (minus the year I lived in England, but you get the point). And Oregon is kind of known for our hippy, tree-hugging ways. We are, after all, the home of Portland. I don't know if you've seen Portlandia or not, but let me just tell you... it's true.
It is funny because it is true. And then it becomes not funny because it is so true.
Even though I own a pair of birkenstocks, several flannel shirts, recycle, and my own personal rock climbing gear (because I used to go rock climbing outside fairly frequently in college), I would not consider myself a hippy by any means.
I eat meat. I don't compost. I don't ride my bike to work. I don't use Seventh Generation household cleaners. I don't eat organic. I'm not afraid of BPA (my husband is getting his PhD in toxicology and if you're interested, he can talk for HOURS about how the whole BPA thing isn't factual). I don't use clothe grocery bags.
But now that I am pregnant, I am finding all of these hippy-ish tendencies coming to light. It partially has to do with the almost toxicologist husband. But I'm finding I all of a sudden have this large concern for the environment. Don't get me wrong, I love the environment but I never thought I would make decisions about my baby based on the environment.
How are my hippy-ways surfacing? Let me tell you...
- We signed up for Bradley birthing classes because I want a natural childbirth. If we get down the labor road and I decide I can't take the pain, I reserve the right to change my mind and beg for an epidural. But if I had my choice, I'd rather not.
- I want to clothe diaper. It's partially because disposable diapers are so expensive and partially because I hate the idea of all those diapers doing to a landfill. Especially since I know enough about diapers to know that they take forever to degrade and even if their are incinerated (like the garbage in our area is), burned garbage releases pollutants into the air.
- I want to breastfeed as long as I possibly can (within reason). I'd like to go the whole first year. Part of it is because we are having a boy and study after study has indicated that breastfeeding significantly helps boys with socialization and reading skills (how on earth they confirm this, I have no idea but I did read it). A big part of it is that my husband is still a student and formula, like disposable diapers, is expensive.
- When it came time to pick out bottles for our registry, I only wanted glass ones. Why? Because Phil informs me that glass is the only product that won't have some kind of by-products (like BPA, only real).
I have no idea where any of this stuff came from. I know my family thinks I'm a little crazy and idealistic. But whatever. I'm going to be a new mother and I'm allowed to have my own crazy ideas about how I want to do things, right?
I promise I will still bathe regularly and shave my underarms. :)
So after my endocrinologist made me question if the baby was going to have three arms or something, he said he wanted to have the hospital do some calculations and give that information to my OB so someone a little more knowledgeable could figure out what the effects of the RAI would be on the baby.
And then I didn't hear from anyone for like a week.
Phil and I were pretty anxious at this point. Phil put on his chemist/toxicologist hat and began doing some calculations. He even found the same guidelines the doctors ended up using regarding risk exposure so fetuses. Plus Phil called one of his good friends who also happens to be a nuclear pharmacist and asked him a few questions. After we got done with our own research (which yielded very little on the internet), we felt A LOT better. And a little mad at my doctor for implying I should consider an abortion.
We finally heard from my OB, who recommended we see a perinatologist, just to make sure everything would be alright. Technically, I was a "high risk" pregnancy.
We met with the perinatologist who basically said we really didn't need to be too concerned about the radiation exposure to the baby. WHEW!! Huge confirmation of what we already suspected.
However, they recommended we have some extra ultrasounds done. They wanted to make sure the baby didn't have a goiter (enlarged thyroid) forming and that the baby was growing at the proper rate (since radiation exposure can affect growth rates).
And that's where we are now. These ultrasounds started with the 20 week anatomy scan and we'll continue to have ultrasounds every 4 weeks until Baby Janney makes his debut. So far, Baby Janney is growing just as he should be, measuring exactly as he should. He hasn't even been born and he's already being such a good little boy. :)
I know there are some that believe ultrasounds can be harmful to the baby, but the perinatologist said that isn't true. Plus I already exposed him to some radiation, so what's a little more, right?
So that's the skinny on that. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them. I just wanted to put all of the information about this pregnancy out there. The complete back story. It wasn't the ideal situation, but I also wouldn't change it at all.
*This post is my opinion, based off the medical advice I was given as well as research/calculations Phil and I did. I'm not a doctor and definitely think it is best to follow doctor's orders especially when it comes to cancer treatments and making babies.
When we first found out I had thyroid cancer, we had been trying to have a baby for about a year. We were about to start working with a fertility clinic to figure out why were weren't able to get pregnant and move towards having a baby, but I felt like I really needed to get this pesky neck nodule thing all figured out first. So for more than just the obvious reason of not wanting cancer, we were really hoping the nodules would come back as benign.
But they didn't.
So we started down the road towards cancer treatments and my doctor told me, clear as day, that there was no way I could get pregnant within a year of having radioactive iodine ablation done. I'm pretty sure she even said, "I'm not kidding, Natalie. If you get pregnant, you will have to have an abortion." It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but I knew it was something I needed to do.
Feeling sad that it wouldn't be until 2014 that we had a baby, we went forward with the RAI but we were kind of curious as to why we had to wait so long to have a baby. So we did what any normal couple would do and consulted the internet.
Site after site after site said you only needed to wait 6 months post RAI to get pregnant, and even then nobody really knew how radioactive iodine would affect a fetus. All they knew was that if a fetus was exposed to radioactive iodine when the baby's thyroid was developing, obviously that would be bad. But that was it. Phil and I decided we would definitely wait the minimum 6 months, but we would discuss in October how we wanted to move forward. We knew that the fertility clinic would not work with us until we had a letter from our doctor saying there was a green light for baby-makin'.
During this time, I switched doctors. And my new endocrinologist echoed the research Phil and I had done saying we only needed to wait 6 months. That was great news to Phil and I. It was July when I made that switch and that was already 3 months into the 6 months. October would be here before we knew it!
But because I had no thyroid, my doctor had given me specific instructions that I needed to call him right away when I found out I was pregnant. I would need to have my thyroid levels checked every 4 weeks for the duration of the pregnancy to make sure the baby and I were getting enough, since you tend to need more thyroid hormones when you are pregnant. He sent us on our way with the reminder that we couldn't get pregnant until October.
2 months later at the beginning of September, I found out I was pregnant.
Oops.
I was SO EXCITED and terribly dreading having to call my endocrinologist. I knew he would not be happy.
And he was not.
I had to leave him a message and he called me back, leaving me a voicemail to call his after hours number. That's usually not a good sign.
I called him back. He congratulated me and proceeded to tell me how I really wasn't supposed to get pregnant and he's not sure what exactly that means for the baby because he's never had someone get pregnant before the 6 months were past and then he asked me if I was planning to proceed with the pregnancy.
Of course I was. But what were the possible side effects of the RAI on my baby?
He didn't know. But his doubt about whether or not the baby would have any long lasting effects from the RAI freaked Phil and I out.
Cotton went to the breeder yesterday for a pre-show grooming session. He got himself all trimmed up and ready for his show on Friday.
As his dog-mom, I thought he was cute enough before the grooming, just FYI. But he does look pretty cute with his neck and ear hair all trimmed up.
Anyway... when Phil brought Cotton home in the afternoon, he was SO EXCITED to get back into the house that he leapt from the car before Phil could get the leash on him and then started running towards the front door. Phil managed to grab him (so he couldn't decide to change his course and attempt a run around the front yard).
When Phil took too long to get his keys out and open the door, Cotton began to whine. His impatience even made him bark, as if to say, "OPEN THE DOOR, DAD!"
The second the door was open, he jumped out of Phil's arms and ran straight to Taylor's crate, barking with excitement as he ran up the stairs. Once Taylor heard her little brother coming, her tail started wagging hard enough to create a drum roll on the sides of her crate.
They played together pretty much the rest of the night. It made working on Cotton's training a little bit of a challenge, but we managed to get it done.
They love each other.
Then Cotton came to bed with me last night and proceeded to be the most cuddling dog ever to roam the earth. It was cute and sweet and warmed my heart. Literally. He's like a little hot water bottle. Within an hour or so, I woke up sweating and completely unable to escape the covers. And, of course, he wanted to lay RIGHT NEXT to me.
I appreciated the gesture and enjoyed our cuddle time. I just also needed a fan. :)
For the next 10 weeks, we really don't have Sundays to ourselves anymore. There will be no lounging, no conquering larges quantities of laundry or making lots of food for the week.
Here's what Sunday's look like for the next 10 weeks:
It is back to back, from 9 in the morning until 9 at night. And in case you were wondering, we have to drive an hour for the Bradley classes because there are no Bradley classes in our area, so it either drive North an hour or drive South an hour.
Now if feels like we have to get everything done on Saturday that we usually did over the course of the whole weekend.
So Saturday, we slept in a litter (since that is what you are supposed to do on the weekend) and then headed out to the grocery store. We bought everything we needed so that I could make our meals for the week (which really isn't the best idea when you're almost 5 months pregnant as it requires you to be on your feet for multiple hours). Then we headed home so I could make Lasagna, Mexican Lasagna, White Bean Chili and Lemon Bars.
We had the White Bean Chili last night and it was SO GOOD. You need to make it, seriously.
At least I won't have to do much cooking for the rest of the week. And that's helpful because I need to do some serious work with Cotton this week so he doesn't embarrass us both at his show on Friday.
And because this post needs a picture, here's a picture of Cotton Phil sent me Friday:
This was after Phil informed me that Cotton had pooped in the house... again... for the second time in three days. Tell me he doesn't look ashamed of himself. To me, it says, "I know I pooped in the house... I'm sorry."
I never thought I would be one of those people that bought a baby name book. Who needs a book filled with names? Honestly? That's what the internet is for, right?
Well, we are struggling a little more than I thought we would with picking out a name for our little man.
I should have known this would happen. We had a REALLY hard time picking out a name for our puppy, of course it would be worse with our child.
Naturally, we had a baby girl name all picked out. It just came to me one day and we both loved it like crazy. I should have known at that moment we would be having a boy. :)
So while we were registering last Sunday, we caved and bought a baby name book. Then we proceeded to spend ALL Sunday evening after dinner going through it. We went through the whole thing. And we found like 5 names that might work. But none that we are in love with.
There's one name we keep going back to. We'll find a new name and say, "Yeah, I like it. Put it on the list." And then when we each rank the names on the list, the same name keeps coming up number one, so I'm pretty sure that will be his name.
I'm sad (or happy really) to report that I don't have any weird dreams to share with you today. Although I am pretty sure I had a dream the other night that included Cotton. And that probably isn't too weird since we would be going to conformance class tonight if I didn't have a meeting.
Conformance class is where he (and I) learn how to make him stand and prance properly. Turns out, there's a lot involved in this whole "show dog" thing. And since I haven't worked with him much in the last few weeks, he kind of looked at me like "what the *$%# are you doing to me?!?" when I tried to "stack" him.
And I think I heard that one or more of the dogs was in heat last night. And since Cotton has recently discovered his love for lovin' on things (mostly people's right leg, and YES it has to be the RIGHT), I think that may have distracted him a little
Overall, he did pretty well. He prances with the best of them.
I, however, did not do so well with the prancing. You know what feels great? Running on concrete. I was fine the first few times. But towards the end of class, I thought the front of my pelvis was going to shoot off. It wasn't painful, more just weird feeling. And the next day, I had a nice little waddle going on.
Phil may have to start participating in classes.
His next show in rapidly approaching. We'd better start working on his "pretty standing". We don't give our dog treats for sitting. We give him treats for standing. And wagging his tail. And breathing (ok not really).
In hindsight, that title sounds a little gross. But you know what I mean.
I've resorted to taking pictures of myself in the bathroom at work. It is partially because I go to the bathroom ALL THE TIME (actually it isn't that bad) and mostly because I find about 100 excuses to not do the fancy pictures at home and then all of a sudden it's been a month and I don't have a pregnancy picture. Thank goodness for instagram.
I have night meetings all week. It is going to make this week FLY by. I kind of love being so busy you can't think about stuff sometimes. I thrive on being busy. It also means I have to dress nice every day. This won't be one of those weeks where I put on some yoga pants and pretend like they can pass as leggings or dress pants. There's always next week.
And I've got a thing for scarves right now. But I can't wrap them around my neck. I still don't think things around my neck, even though my neck scar is practically invisible according to these pictures. It's still there, I promise.
Here are some pregnancy related updates at 21 weeks:
- Baby boy is moving around LIKE CRAZY, but he tends to stop a little when Phil puts his hand on my stomach. It's just bad timing, that's all.
- We started our baby registries this weekend. It's a little overwhelming to think of all the crap they make for babies. I'm aware we need like none of it. Especially since the stuff our clinic sent us suggested we could keep the baby in a drawer or a cardboard box for the first few weeks. Like he's a litter of kittens or something. Needless to say, we don't plan on doing that.
- My propensity to retain water is even worse now that I'm pregnant. I truly believe this is related to thyroid hormones, although I have no proof to back this up. But I have found that if I drink 2+ liters of water, I don't feel like such a fatty. So that's my new goal. So far, so good.
- Phil's not a huge fan of the new inhabitant in our bed... the body pillow. I'm not sure I am either so far. When it's in the middle of the bed, it is literally a fortress between Phil and I.
- Honestly, I don't have many pregnancy complaints right now. I wish I could work out more and with more intensity. Everyone is so motivated right now and I want to join in on the fun. It's more my work schedule that is holding me back right now.
Sorry for the radio silence at the end of last week. I thought about doing a couple of posts, but realized I really didn't have anything to say. Quality vs. quantity. Not that the things that do get posted are of the best quality. Just think... it could be worse.
Anyway...
It was a pretty relaxing weekend. I may or may not have only been out of bed for about 12 hours on Saturday. So naturally, I needed a nap on Sunday. When I was hunkering down for my nap, I grabbed my puppy for a nice little cuddle.
He then proceeded to sneeze twice and whack his skull into the side of my nose.
I don't think he broke my nose, but it did start to bleed. If I have bruising today at work, I'll know why.
We did not cuddle after that.
Ok that's a lie. After my nap, he was ready to cuddle.
But I had him near my feet, and not by my nose. Lesson learned.
I'm not sure what caused it exactly. It could have been the fact that it was New Year's Day and I kind of hate New Years. Or it could be that I had 4 days off and knew I would be going back to work the next day. But honestly, I blame the weird dream I had the night before.
I dreamt I had had the baby, only he was born like 9 months old and Hispanic. Phil had left (probably because I had had a Hispanic baby) and I was back living with my parents, in my old room. I had named my Hispanic 9-month old "Domingo" (I have no idea where that came from) and was doing an awful job mothering him. I had only fed him twice in one day and had let him slowly slip from my lap and fall on the floor.
I woke up very confused and actually had to convince myself that there was NO POSSIBLE WAY any part of that dream could be real. There was NO CHANCE I could be having a Hispanic baby. NO WAY it would be born 9 months old. And ABSOLUTELY NO POSSIBILITY we would be naming him Domingo. Phil also reassured me when I woke him up to tell him my dream that he wouldn't be leaving us.
Plus I slept like absolute garbage when I wasn't dreaming about Baby Domingo.
I was finally able to shake the bad feeling at about 8 o'clock at night. About an hour before I would be heading to bed. Poor Phil.
The good news is that I woke up today feeling much better. The funk was gone and I'm feeling optimistic and energized. And that's a much better way to head to work than in a funk.
But I'm not sure which dream was weirder, this one or the one with the flexing Asians? This is a weird contest.
I was going to do a nice little recap of 2012 and post it New Year's Eve, but Phil and I have been crazy busy the last few days. I'm not even totally sure what we've been doing. I think it was just catching up on laundry, putting Christmas stuff away, and cleaning the house. Has my nesting kicked in? I don't know, but I dusted the coasters, so I would say probably.
And after I thought about what my recap from last year would look like, it felt a little like dwelling on the past. When Phil and I went to my neck scar's birthday dinner, we were talking about how different things were now than they were a year ago. And we both agreed that we were leaving 2012 better than we came into it.
2012 - Cancer treatment, Puppy, and Pregnancy. In that order. The year definitely got better as it went along.
That's really all that you can ask for.
We are happy to say good-bye to 2012, and are hopeful that this year has a lot of great things in store for the Janneys.
Do we have any resolutions? I'm going to call them goals for the New Year, rather than resolutions. Resolutions never seem to happen. So here they are in no particular order:
- I'd love to get back into shape. And by shape, I don't mean round. :) That gym membership we paid for all of last year and used a total of 5 times (each) is calling to me. I have lofty goals of completing those two half marathons I said I was going to do in 2012.
- Get to work on time. Shamefully I will admit that I am usually a few minutes late. Horrible HORRIBLE employee.
- Keep up on the laundry. This goal will be even more important once the babe gets here. Currently, I like to wait until we have 75 loads of laundry to do and then kick and scream through the entire sorting, laundry, folding and putting away process. It's the adult thing to do.
- Be a better wife. Between the cancer stuff and early pregnancy, Phil definitely took care of me more than I took care of him. I'd like to pull my weight a little more. And there's becoming more and more of it (as is evident by my ever increasing thyroid medication dose), so it is more important that I do that. :)
That's all I've got for now. I think that will be enough to keep me busy for a while. At least until May when my main goals will switch to showering at least every other day and sleeping when possible.
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