So much to do!

The holidays are a busy time for everyone and I know we are no exception.  Since Thanksgiving was late this year, it seems like the holidays are even more hectic.  There was one less weekend between Thanksgiving and Christmas than in previous years.  It shouldn't make a big difference, but it does.

The push to get Phil's dissertation done and turned in put us into survival mode.  Cleaning was kept at a minimum.  Laundry done as needed, but not folded.  Grocery shopping was limited as well.

I do have my priorities though.  Given a choice between folding laundry during nap time or putting up Christmas decorations, I chose decorations.  All.  The.  Way.

That choice, however, left me with a scene that looks like this:

And there's more where that came from.

To make matters worse, this is what awaits me at work:

To be reviewed.

My to-do list is so long, I pretty much need to take this home to review it.  But who has the time?  I'm trying to find a way to dig down deeps and get everything accomplished.

Laundry folded.
House cleaned.
Food made.
Work done.

And there is one thing that will always be at the top of my list...

Spending time with this guy.

If someone can help me figure out a way to get everything done, find 2 more hours in the day, or perhaps ways to have a little more energy, I would greatly appreciate it.

We are almost to the finish line of graduate school!  I just need to keep my head down and priorities straight until then.

Oh hey, I have a blog

I've been fairly silent on social media for the last few weeks.

Henry's ear infection turned into another ear infection (with antibiotics that he would only take if you turned on Frozen).

{I don't know what it is about Frozen, but it seriously puts him in a trance.}

Then I got bronchitis.  Now I've had bronchitis before, but this was the worst by far.  I've never gotten it before with a fever.  We are talking fever, body aches, chills, severe sweating for 5 days.  Thankfully on Day 6, the antibiotics were kicking in and I was able to resume normal life.

Day 6 of my sickness was also the day Henry got Croup.

Did I mention that this whole sickness relay also happened while Phil has been working almost around the clock finishing up his dissertation?  I am so thankful for my parents who watched Henry for basically the entire weekend so Phil could work and I could be sick on the couch.

So between sickness, the dissertation, keeping everyone fed, clean, and clothed, blogging has fallen to the wayside.

Don't fret my pets... the end is in sight.

But seriously, Henry and I apparently need to invest in large quantities of vitamin C.  I'm pretty sure the only reason Phil hasn't gotten sick is because of adrenaline.

One thing I have noticed, even when I was healthy, was that without Phil's help I really can't do everything.  Not that this should be a huge surprise.  And it's not like things don't get done.  But they don't get done well all of the time.  Laundry from two weeks ago is sitting folded in the bonus room.  And I haven't done any laundry since.

Sometimes making dinner means chicken nuggets.

 Sometimes it means pizza.  And sometimes cleaning means doing the absolute bare minimum for the house to not be gross.

Henry has been in disposables, partially because antibiotics have been havoc on his poor little digestive system and partially because I haven't wanted to deal with the extra laundry.

Ultimately, none of that crap matters.  We are getting through the end of graduate school.  And as long as we are mostly happy, loving, and supportive of one another, the details don't matter.

Henry's happy, so I must be doing something right.  :)

Stay healthy, people!

Working Mom Problems

The runny nose, grumpy gus little man confirmed my Mommy intuition on Monday night when I picked him up from daycare... He was sick.

I knew it was coming.  He had had a cold for over a week.  The runny nose was, shall we say, NOT the appropriate color.  And was he touchy his ear more often?  I don't know.  He was also GRUMPY.

Was it teeth?  Just the cold?

Monday night we knew it was something worse.  He looked exhausted.  He had dark circles under his eye and was a little paler.  The straw that broke the camel's back was the temperature he developed Monday night.  Then he woke up at 2.  And at 3.

Definitely headed to the doctor.

My poor little guy has an ear infection.  :(

As someone who got ear infections almost monthly growing up, I really feel his pain.  I have vivid memories of being in excruciating pain, waking up in the middle of the night crying because my ears hurt so bad.  Tylenol couldn't touch the pain.  The only thing that helped was when my dad would lay the infected ear on his bare chest and stroke my forehead.  To this day, I know my hearing is damaged from all the ear infections.

Obviously, I felt really bad when we found out he was sick.  And even worse when I wrestled with what to do next.  Do I take him to daycare?  Maybe to Grandma's house?  Should I stay home with him?  Should Phil stay home with him?

This is when being a working parent is really hard.

No matter which option gets picked, HUGE amounts of guilt follow.  If I stay home, how am I going to get my work done?  If I go to work, is Henry ok without me?

Daycare is expensive and work is really busy so if Henry is acting alright, he has to go to daycare.  But I won't lie... I feel like a horrible mom about it.

Every fiber in my being is pulling me toward him.  I just want to take him home, cuddle up with him, watch Disney movies and play with Duplos.  There isn't a single part of me that wants to be at work.  But I have to.  For my company, for my clients, and most importantly to provide for my family... I have to be at work.

This is what I tell myself, over and over as my heart hurts for my little guy who is possibly being comforted by not me.

I ended up checking on him in the afternoon and when she told me he "ok but very grumpy" I decided I needed to just finish up what I was doing and go get him.  We spent the evening reading books, with an early bath and bedtime (which didn't go over really well because he wanted to be read even MORE books).

I am hopeful that he will have a better day today.  Hopefully the antibiotics have kicked in and his ear will stop hurting him.

Sick babies are the worst.

Wine and Bubbles

You know it has been a rough first half of the week when someone put at the end of an e-mail to you:

Have a good evening and enjoy a big glass of wine.

Was it that obvious?

I guess it was.

So you know what I did?

I had a glass of wine.  Willamette Valley Vineyard's Oregon Blossom to be exact.  Along with a bubble bath and some Netflix.  I'm currently enjoying Hart of Dixie.  It's cute and fairly mindless which is right up my guilty pleasure alley.

How long is too long to stay in the bathtub?  Because I was totally in there for an hour and a half.

One of the main things I wanted in a house was a big soaking tub.  No joke, it was BIG on my list.  This tub is perfect.

And you know what?  I feel much better now.

If we are being honest...

... I would have to tell you that I am struggling.

I do not have this working mom, graduate wife down.  AT.  ALL.

I am 5 minutes late to work more days than I am not.

I've had laundry clean, unfolded on the couch for at least 2 weeks.

In the last 2 weeks, we have had to eat fast food for dinner (Phil and I) twice because I was too tired and we literally had NO FOOD.

Today marks basically the 1,400th day I haven't gone to the gym in the morning.

We won't even talk about the last time my house got really properly cleaned.  

As in completely dusted, vacuumed, bathrooms cleaned, dishes done all at the same time.

There are so many projects that have been started and then never finished.  

I actually think I bought a photography tutorial a year ago.  Still haven't gone through it.  

As a self-motivated person, I hate that.

I go into kind of a panic when I think of adding in another baby to the mix.  I don't think we are quite ready for that.

I feel like I am just putting out fires and trying to do what I need to do to survive the week.  I can't seem to get ahead of the game.  The other day, Phil and I were talking about getting new phones and I almost don't want to do it because I don't want to deal with learning a new phone.

That's dumb.

But I'm not throwing myself a pity party!  Nobody ever said being a working mom was easy.  And I've never really heard anyone talk about how easy it is to have their spouse near the end of their dissertation.  But just because something is hard doesn't mean it isn't worth doing.

I'm determined to not sacrifice my family's health, our relationships, or our finances as we navigate the next 3 months.  We can't eat fast food all the time.  We can't be so stressed out that we are grumpy to each other or other people.

The truth is that we are in the home stretch.  This is the hardest part, not only because we both just want it to be over, but also because it is when a lot of the work has to happen.

I'm going to figure out a plan.

I just haven't figured it out yet.

My mom reminded me of the phrase, "You can have it all, but you can't have it all at once."  And I am minding of feeling like that is true.

So what do I give up?

...

I'll keep you posted on what I figure out.

Night Meeting

I had a meeting last night.  It was only supposed to take about 30 minutes.  Simple and quick.

It took 2 hours.

I got home at 7:30, which was just in time for Henry to go to bed.  I am thankful I got to at least help put him to bed.

And my separation was eased a little bit because Phil kept me well updated with pictures like this one:

I called on my way home, Henry rushed over to Phil holding the phone and said, "HI!" just clear as day.

I was desperate to get home and scoop him up!  You know that impatient, anxious feeling you get in the pit of your chest?  I'm lucky I didn't fly home.

When I finally got home, Henry was too busy doing exhausted laps around the kitchen to give me a hug.  But I did learn that he learned a new phrase tonight.  Seriously... one evening and I miss new words.  This working mom stuff is serious business.

While they were reading a book, Phil closed it and tried to get Henry to kind of wipe his hands together to basically say, "All done!"  Henry didn't get the hand motion down, but he now says, "All done!"

What am I going to miss during my next night meeting?  Will he have solved the world's energy crisis?!

5 Things Friday

Blogging for 5 straight days!  Dare we say Stella has her groove back?  I probably shouldn't jinx it.  Here's another mix of randoms for this fine, fine week.


1.  When I dropped Henry off at daycare this morning, he was seated at the table next to his buddy, Blake.  Blake and Henry are just a month apart and have been good friends from the beginning.  Normally, Henry needs his food in the morning right away at daycare or he starts freaking out.  But this morning, he and Blake looked at each other and started pounding their hands on the table in perfect unison.  And it's times like that that help ease my mommy guilt for leaving him with someone else during the day.  He's building relationships (and an immune system) and that makes me feel better.


2.  I was checking over my blog stats the other day and noticed that one of my most read blog posts ever is the one about my Baby Weight.  And really all this proves to me is that everyone loves a train wreck.  Just kidding.  Not really.  But when bloggers do the weekly updates while they are pregnant and they put their weight gain, I look with fascination and then curse them under their breath when they say "I'm half way through and have only gained 6 pounds."  REALLY?!?!  How is that even possible?  There's probably an extra 6 pounds in your bra!  I'll be the first to admit I'm just jealous.  :)


3.  If you don't follow me on instagram, you probably haven't seen this picture:

He was starting to get grumpy and it was almost bath time, so I just took off all his cloths.  Is there anything cuter than a baby in just a diaper?  And the nice thing about him being a small giant is that the cloth diapers aren't super huge on him anymore.

4.  Along those same lines, what am I going to do if Henry stays on his growth pattern?  The kid is not fat.  He is perfectly proportioned in height vs. weight.  But he weighs about 30 lbs and the diapers are only good until 35.  I'm sure walking will slow his weight gain a little, but I may have to upgrade to the training pants WAY before he is ready to potty train.  Does anyone have any experience with this?

5.  I went to a meeting the other morning and as the most important person in the meeting walked in and shook everyone's hand, he said, "I think I am going to go home after this.  I'm not feeling too well."

...

Thanks for shaking my hand.  Where's the antibacterial?  Maybe in the future we can wave or fist bump when we start a meeting?

Stay healthy!!

A Quick Bite

This working mom stuff is tough.  One of the hardest parts... dinner time.

I work until 5, then rush to pick up Henry from daycare.  By the time I get his things gathered up, give him some snuggles, and get him in the car, it is 5:30.  Then it is another 15 minutes until we are home.

5:45

And what time does Henry go to sleep?  Maybe 8.  Lately, it is more like 7:45.  And in that 2 hours, we have to make dinner, eat, feed Henry, do a bath, play, snuggle, and put him to bed.  I feel like the evenings are a race.  It is a test to see if I can get everything done before he melts down.  Ever tried to feed a sleepy baby?  We just end up with food ALL OVER, rubbed into the eyelashes, smeared into his hair, etc.

I completely understand why some people either wait to eat until after the baby goes to sleep OR end up eating out/processed foods.  It is HARD to make things from scratch in a hurry.

But I am getting better at it.  And the main thing I have been trying to do is keep it simple.

-  Ham (already fully cooked, just warmed up), with mashed potatoes and peas

-  Baked skin-less bone-less chicken thigh filets (so easy, juicy, and almost impossible to make up) with ranch potatoes and green beans

-  Grilled pork chops with cheesy rice and any vegetable

Sometimes I will make things ahead of time on the weekend and then just pop them in the oven during the work week.  Tuna Noodle Casserole is perfect for that.  Shepard's Pie is another favorite in our house.

And never discount crock-pot meals.

Unfortunately, Phil is getting tired of the old standbys.  I kind of am too.

Do you have any good, quick recipes?

Sickness

I'm a bad blogger.

But in my defense, I have had reasons.  Here come the excuses.

1)  I got sick.  For some reason, my sinus infection took FOREVER to get over.  And once I was finally starting to feel better...

2)  Henry got sick.

{Sick and headed to Grandma's house}

And I'm sorry, but there is nothing worse than a sick baby.

It started last Wednesday with a 103 degree fever.  I think at it's peak, it was 103.8.  Tylenol barely helped.  He'd play for a little bit, but then wanted to be held.  And I would have obliged, but I HAD to be at work.  My boss was out of town and it turns out there kind of needs to be an engineer at the engineering firm.  Whatever.

Perhaps I'm not the greatest at compartmentalizing, but I found it really hard to focus at work with a sick baby at Grandma's.  It's the plight of the working mom.

Henry ended up having Roseola.  The fever was gone Saturday morning, but just in time for the body rash.  I had read that the rash isn't supposed to itch (like they could possibly know that).  And I think Henry would disagree.  He's been using the back of his hand, his blankie, the carpet, pretty much anything he can to itch his head.

{Reading Fox In Socks for the billionth time in an attempt to distract him from the itching}

And the heat wave that has hit the area isn't helping the rash go away.  We are hopeful the rash will subside any day now.  Especially because he has been REALLY fussy lately.

{It's kind of hard to see, but he has a pretty good rash on his forehead}

Like inconsolable.  To the point where you look at him screaming after you've tried everything and feel super helpless.  I wish I could take his rash away.  And that's saying a lot because I HATE rashes.

There is nothing worse than a sick baby.  I don't know how parents of really sick kids do it.  And I hope I never have to find out.

I am thankful that this is just a virus and we hopefully won't have any complications that will end us in the hospital again.  My mom told me she thought my brother and I were sick more between the ages of 1 and 2 than 0 to 1.  Great... More to look forward to.  I have no doubt this illness came from daycare, but I've been told the upside is that he won't get nearly as sick in elementary school.  There has to be a silver lining somewhere.

5:01

Last week, my brother stopped by the office.  It's a long story, really... my sister-in-law and nephew were involved in a car accident.  Everyone is ok, but my brother got a ride to the accident and then needed my other brother to give him a ride to somewhere else...

Back story complete.

It was about 10 minutes after 5 when he was standing in the office and we were figuring out who would give him a ride and to where.  It was then that my brother (the one needing the ride) turned to me and said, "What are you doing now, Natalie?"

My other brother responded, "Well, usually she is out at the door at 5:01."

The other men in the office all loudly agreed and laughed.

You know... I'm such a bad employee/business owner because the perception is that I leave immediately after 5 o'clock.

I was pissed.

Do I leave work pretty close to 5?  Yes, I do.  I won't deny it.

But the implication that I rush away from work isn't correct.  And it's not fair.  I get my work done.  I go to night meetings.  I stay until I have reached a place where I can stop for the day.

I don't rush away from work.  I'm rushing towards Henry.

As any mother is aware, it's a mad dash between when work ends and bedtime.  At best, I have 3 hours a day I get with Henry.  And during that 3 hours, I have to drive to and from daycare, pick him up, get home, make dinner, feed Henry, clean up dinner (although Phil usually does this), get Henry bathed (Phil helps with this), get jammies on, calm Henry down and get him to bed.  Oh and I am supposed to spend quality time with Henry in there too.

And I am lucky... Phil is so helpful in taking care of Henry and the evening routine.

Even so, there are days when I don't even get to talk to Phil until after Henry goes to bed.

But the guys in the office... they don't understand.  Almost all of them either don't have kids (like my brother who made the comment) or their wives took care of all that stuff.  They didn't work or they didn't work full-time.

I'm just waiting for someone to make a comment about how I show up to work just a few minutes before 8 (again a sign that I'm apparently not an overly dedicated worker).  By 8, I've already spent an hour getting Henry out the door and to daycare.  I'm pretty sure my brother (the one that made the comment) doesn't even wake up before 7.

It's just another example of how hard it is to be a working-mom.  You're supposed to feel guilty if you leave work before the men.  And you most definitely will feel guilty if you miss out on time with your kids.

There is no way to win.  I guess I will do my best to focus on one thing at a time and constantly work on obtaining balance.  Cause I've heard it's super easy.

My week of radon... we survived

In case you were wondering, my radon class was A BLAST.  I mean... absolutely no question, right?  5 whole days of learning exactly how radon can make you sick, the stats about radon making you sick, and then learning all the challenges about mitigating radon really made me feel like living in a tent outside.  But I don't like camping in the rain, so I decided that wasn't a good idea.

Let me just say this... TEST YOUR HOUSE FOR RADON!!

If you want to know how to do this, send me an e-mail or leave a comment.  There are a couple of different ways to test for it and depending on the test, the time of year, and how long you are willing to wait for an answer, you can get different answers.

ANYWAY...

Besides sitting in a cold classroom for 5 days, I also got to drive in traffic for 2 hours each day.  And what really made it so much better was that I didn't get to hang out with Henry in the morning.  Not only did I miss him, but since I usually nurse him before he goes to daycare, it posed an additional challenge.

I ended up having to wake up at 4:50 in the morning every day so I could pump, shower, get ready, and get out the door by 6:15 every day.  What is really weird to me is that I haven't been able to get up before 6:20 any day this week.  Funny how that works out.

We survived the week.  I have to say it wasn't nearly as bad as Phil and I thought it was going to be.  And I think that was largely because I had made all that food ahead of time.  We had time to hang out, eat, do the 3 dishes we generated from dinner, and pack everything up for the next day with enough time that I still got to hang out with Phil after Henry went to sleep.

And it helped that Phil sent me pictures of Henry every morning.

{They might be blurry, but I don't care.  Too cute}

Being a working momma is hard.

6 hours of cooking 1 day or 1 hour of cooking 6 days...

You know how when you are going to be out of the office, you end up having to work twice as hard to get things prepared?  Like everything that will need to be done while you are gone, must be done before you actually go?  Usually this is because you are going on vacation.  But it can also be the case if you are going to training.

This entire week, I will be at a radon measurement and mitigation course.  Radon has become a bit of a hot topic in the past couple of years.  And even though I am qualified to design radon mitigation systems, I would to get certified and learn what the experts have to say.

It made for a busy last week.  I had to get two weeks worth of work done in one.

In addition to the training this week, I also have an evening meeting one night.  And the training is an hour drive away, so I get to get up SUPER early, pump before I do, and drive in traffic.

It will be awesome.

Since I know I will be super tired when I get home and will only want to spend time with my guys, I decided to spend a little energy this weekend making sure I don't have to cook during the week.

So Saturday afternoon, I got to it.  I spend the first hour putting away dishes and cleaning the kitchen (which is a HUGE pet peeve of mine and Phil is usually the one to put away dishes and clean up but I chose to let it go).  After that, it was down to business.  I got started cooking around 4 and finally finished will all the dishes done and put away by about 10:30.  Those 6.5 hours also included making dinner, eating dinner, nursing Henry twice, putting Henry to bed, and playing with Henry.  So I actually don't think it was that bad, considering.

I made:

- Stuffed peppers
- Shepard's Pie
- Roasted Chicken Thighs with rice and asparagus (dinner that night)
- Turkey Meatballs (this recipe makes like 800 meatballs)
- Hard-boiled eggs (not like that was hard, but it was one more thing to keep track of)
- Broccoli Mac and Cheese
- Prepped fruit for snacks

The fridge is full and I am DONE COOKING for the week!  Now I can focus all my attention this week on learning about gas and my guys.  :)

Sleep Training

I have put off writing this post because, truthfully, I don't want to jinx anything.

Maybe you remember, but about a month ago I decided I wasn't going to worry about sleep training Henry.  Something about I didn't think he was ready.  Well a couple of weeks after that, I cracked.  The final straw came when I read an article that mentioned I was doing Henry a "disservice" by not sleep training him.  He needed the sleep and to learn to put himself back to sleep.  After several nights of NOT sleeping well and too long of being so tired I never EVER spent time with my husband, I decided it didn't matter if Henry was ready... I was ready.

As a mommy friend of mine put it best, the best thing I can do for Henry is show him that his parents are happy, healthy, rested and in a happy marriage.  Not that our marriage wasn't happy, but we were so exhausted we really weren't able to enjoy each other's company.  A few days would go by and I would realize I hadn't even told Phil about my day because I was too tired to talk.  Plus, I need to be rested to work.  It helps when designing things like buildings.

I had been doing research to find a "gentle" way of sleeping training, but all my research pointed to the fact that those methods took a lot longer than the cry it out (CIO) method.  Well my patience was short.  I needed something to happen quickly.  My anxiety about letting Henry cry and cry was overcome by my almost primal need for sleep.

We decided to do a "gentle" version of CIO.  I wanted Henry to know that Mommy and Daddy would come in and check on him, but we wouldn't necessarily pick him up.

Knowing Phil the way I do, I decided to start the sleep training when he wasn't home.  So while Phil was at a basketball game with my brother, I went for it.  And it sucked.

We did the whole night routine... eat, bath, baby massage, nurse, cuddles, bed.

Henry cried and cried.  Every 5 minutes, I would go back in his room, give him back his pacifier, rub his forehead, tell him I loved him and then leave the room.  He cried harder every time I would leave.  It was awful.

Thankfully, my mom was texting with me through the whole thing.  It took 30 minutes, but he finally calmed down.  He put himself to sleep and slept THE.WHOLE.NIGHT.  The next night, it took 25 minutes.  We went back in his room every 10 minutes.  He woke up once and put himself back to sleep.  The night after that, it took 15 minutes.  He was occasionally waking up at night, but would put himself back to sleep.  And more often than not, he would sleep until 6 in the morning.

The downside... by the end of the week, he would begin crying every time I would move to put him in his crib.  But each night, he would fuss less and less.  Now, he doesn't cry or fuss when I put him in his crib at night.  Even if he isn't fully ready to go to sleep, he just hangs out in his crib until he puts himself to sleep.

He was ready.  And I am super happy we finally did it.  The first couple of nights, Phil wasn't exactly on board, but we just had to keep the BIG PICTURE in mind.  Sleep.  I honestly feel like a new person (except that I am currently sick).  He still wakes up, which wakes me up.  But for the most part, we are sleeping so much better.  And since Phil has been pulling a lot of late nights working on his dissertation, we all need all the sleep we can get.

I seriously hope I didn't just jinx anything.

9 down, 3 to go

Today we had Henry's 9 month check-up.  He's just about been out in the world for the same amount of time that I had him to myself.  It's kind of crazy when you think about it because the last 9 months has flown by and his gestation period was pretty much the longest 9 months EVER.

But what is really weird is when someone asked me how close to 9 months I really carried him for.  As in, was it pretty close to nine months since he was conceived.  The question kind of weirded me out because it was someone (a man, by the way) basically asking when exactly my husband and I did the deed.

(Apologies to my mom who never reads this and my mother-in-law who actually does read this.)

I was confused how to answer.  "Yes, Henry was born 9 months to the day after he was conceived!"  I don't know.  Seemed like an overshare.

I digress.

My original goal for breastfeeding was to make it to his first birthday.  I wanted to switch from breastmilk straight to cows milk without purchasing a can of formula.  We are 9 months down with 3 months to go.

I guess a part of me will miss it after I stop nursing.  But not really.  I am so grateful I have been able to breastfeed (or pump, really) for as long as I have.  Breastmilk is so amazing.  The health benefits are great.  I really think if it weren't for breastmilk, Henry would have had so many more ear infections than he already has.  But let's be honest... I'm a working mom, meaning I am not spending my days lovingly nursing my child.  I'm hooked up to a pump for almost 2 hours a day.  It is only possible because I work in a very good work place and I have an amazing husband who does absolutely everything he can to support me.  If my count is current, I have 13 weeks left.

Henry is no small guy.  Turns out he is in the 97th percentile for height and 90th percentile for weight.  The kid is a decent size.  So it shouldn't be a surprise that he requires A LOT of milk.  To be perfectly honest, providing enough breastmilk for the kid stresses me out.  My entire day revolves around my pumping schedule.  If I get 9 oz of milk during my first pumping session, I am anxious because it wasn't the 11 oz I used to get.  If I get 7 oz, I start chugging water and panicking.  I am not going to miss the constant game of "Am I making enough milk?"

{Flannel shirt.  Wranglers.  Tool bench.  He's so manly}

Here is a short list of other things I am looking forward to when the milk machines are closed for business:

-  Being able to drink more than one cup of regular coffee per day.

-  Picking out clothes not based on having to lift my shirt 5 times a day.

-  Not having trap doors on my bras.

-  Not having to lift my shirt a work, something that is generally not encouraged at the work place.

-  Ditching my Dora the Breastfeeding Explorer backpack.

-  No leaking

-  The ability to make evening plans with friends or my husband that don't involve the pump as well.

Not that I am wanting time to go by any faster than it already is.  I will enjoy our last 3 months breastfeeing and then happily hand him his sippy cup of milk in May.

Snow Day

It really doesn't snow where we live very much.  And when it does snow, it is usually just a dusting that is basically gone before you can really attempt to make a snowman.

We had some snow in December on a weekday, so I had to go to work.  And while I was at work, I was kicking myself that I had to be at the office and couldn't take my baby outside to show him the snow.  Truthfully, I wanted some pictures of him in the perfect snow.

But I didn't get that chance.  In true Pacific Northwest fashion, the snow was gone before I got the chance to take Henry outside during daylight.  I kind of mentally shrugged my shoulders and thought, "Oh well..." thinking that there was very little likelihood I would get the chance again this year.

Cue last week.  We got snow again.  This time, it was even more than before and it was actually A LOT of snow.

Seriously... we NEVER get snow.

I'm still trying to explain to my husband that the reason we don't have snow plows is because this NEVER happens.

So Friday, on my way to work in the pretty pretty snow, I again was angry that I had to work.  And just then I decided I wasn't going to let myself regret this snow day.  It was supposed to snow again that afternoon and I was going to leave work early to take my son outside and show him snow.

So I did.

I'm really glad I did.

One of the hardest parts of being a working mom is the never-ending guilt.  If I am home, I feel guilty about not working.  If I am working, I feel guilty about not being home.  Time passes so quickly and there are certain things you just can't get back.  It's important to keep an eye on your true priorities.  I want to be a good engineer and business owner, but more importantly, I want to be a great mom and I don't want to miss out on experiences with my children.

Henry won't remember his first day in the snow, but that doesn't matter as much.  I will.

Don't Judge Me

Don't judge me, but...

-  I am really looking forward to being in bed by 9 tonight so I can eat some Muddy Buddies while watching Dance Moms.

-  Lately when I should be putting Henry to sleep, instead I get him all riled up.  He gives me kisses and then giggles and it totally makes my night.

-  My mood is partially dictated by how much breastmilk I have pumped that day.  It's weird.

-  Last week when I stayed home sick from work, Henry still went to daycare.  And then everyone still asked, "What are you doing with Henry today?"  I didn't feel guilty for sending him away from his sick mother to play with his friends at a place I pay for regardless of whether or not he is there.  Maybe I'm heartless.  Or maybe I found one of like 2 good things about being a working mom.

-  Henry has started biting while nursing.  And when I recoil in pain, he laughs.  It's cute and super painful all at the same time.  I'm not going to lie... some days the calorie burn is about all that keeps me breastfeeding.

{Working on his biting skills}

-  I really don't care for most country music, but I own a good majority of the Nashville singles.

-  I've decided I'm not going to stress about sleep training Henry.  He fights going to sleep like it is his JOB and I kind of think that is just his personality.  He is doing a better job of STAYING asleep and putting himself to sleep in the middle of the night.  And frankly, I like the cuddle time we get at night rocking.  My mommy instincts are pretty strong about this one.

Oh why HELLO blog...

Hello from my couch.  Henry and I are having a sick day.  Turns out he has a fever which means daycare won't let him come today.  Of course I am not too terribly upset because I wasn't super excited about dropping my sick baby off with someone else.  I think he needs some cuddles with his mommy.

For some stupid reason, I would have hoped my first blog post of the new year would be uplifting or profound, but it doesn't look like that will happen.  I was extremely inspired by everyone's New Years Resolution posts... almost enough to put together some of my own.  But not really.

The first 3 to 6 months of this year could be extremely stressful for our little household, with Phil doing his best to wrap up his dissertation.  That coupled with the fact that it may take a while for Phil to get a job that suits him and I am left with a slight panic attack that I will forget what Phil looks like before he finishes his dissertation and money.

January has started off a little rocky for us.

It has never really been a favorite month for me, but it especially isn't for Phil.  It's the month that his Grandma and brother died (in the same year by the way) and throw in the still fresh death of his father and it would be easy to say that Phil has not exactly been himself.

After multiple nights of Henry waking up and SCREAMING for a couple of hours straight (as in I got maybe 3 and a half hours of sleep Tuesday night), we discovered he had BLAZING ear infections in both ears.  You know it has to be pretty bad when the doctor hardly has to look in his ear before he declares he has an ear infection.  I feel like a horrible mother for not putting the puzzle together sooner.  After all, he is a decent night sleeper and a very happy baby so when he was waking up every hour and being a huge grumpy head, I should have known right away.  First time mother right here.

{You can just tell he doesn't feel good}

Oh and I got a cold.

And I'm super busy at work.  It makes having a sick baby even harder.  I'm feeling super guilty about not being at work, but my baby needs me.

And our car seat broke.  We spotted the break by chance and just under the warranty.  It's kind of a funny story actually.

Henry and I were at Walgreens (Phil was driving home from campus) so I could finally get my flu shot (procrastination central).  I had his carrier carseat in the stroller so I wouldn't have to carry him through the store.  When I went to take the carseat off the stroller, it wouldn't unhook.  At all.  I tried for several minutes.  Finally, I called my mom and she came and took Henry to her house (since she has a carseat for him).  But what was I to do with my carseat/stroller that wouldn't fold down or come apart?  Shove it in my car, of course.  As I was doing this, a man came up to me and we had the following exchange:

Man:  "Those come apart, you know."

Me:  "This one won't."

Man:  "Yeah.  We have one too.  They all fold down."

Me:  (as I struggle with getting it in my car) "No, it won't right now."

Man:  "No.  They all should."

Me:  (trying to stay calm) "It's broken.  It won't fold down."

Man:  "Oh."


I'm a big complainer.

Anyway... That's what has been going on around here.  I am hopeful that once we get past Henry's illness and January, we can see some improvement.  And I am hoping to get back to blogging (lucky you).

I'm going to get back to my couch-mate.  I need to take advantage of his nap to get some work done.  Oh the life of a working momma.

Outlet

I've discovered something about myself.

Ever since Henry was born, I haven't had a lot of time for myself.  Between a baby, work, Phil and his dissertation, Phil and his dad... I don't have a lot of extra time.  Or any.  And any spare time I have, I try to sleep.  Or do laundry.  More than likely, SLEEP.

But I feel like I am needing something.  While I LOVE being a wife and mommy more than ANYTHING.  But it can't be all that I am.  And now that Henry is starting to have a slightly better sleep schedule and I feel like I am starting to get mommy-hood figured out, I think I have the time to do some more things.

I feel like I need something.  An outlet.  I have been doing a lot of thinking about what exactly that should be.  I want to create.  I want to learn.

My day job constantly requires me to learn.  The more I learn, the more I know there is to learn.  But I need more than that.

I used to have so many outlets.  I used to blog almost everyday.  I would take pictures, sewing, crochet, cook, exercise.  I miss it.  It's time to do a few of those things.  I can't do all of them as much as I did before.  And I am ok with that.  Henry's kisses are so much more fun than sewing.  But after he is sleeping, I need to do something.  For me.

I need it.  It's time.

I have a few ideas.  I have started a list.  Here are a few things from my list:

-  Do an online photography tutorial.  Brittany recommended this one.  I want to be able to take good pictures of my family without it costing an arm and a leg.

-  Learn Spanish.  I got the Level 1 Rosetta Stone for my birthday a couple of years ago.  I never went through it though.  You wanna know the reason?  I was embarrassed to have Phil hear me pronounce things incorrectly.  The guy has seen me through a couple of surgeries, through being extremely hypothyroid, larger than life pregnant (I almost weighed more than he did at one point), give birth, and postpartum.  But I still get self-conscious around him.  I don't get it.

-  Do a sewing project.  I have one in mind.  I don't want to share the details until I actually get it done though.

-  Run.  I know this isn't creating or learning, but I have had this HUGE desire lately to just RUN.  I know this would be EXTREMELY painful, since I haven't exercised in who knows how long.  I'm thinking I might start going to the gym on my lunch break.  I wouldn't go to run.  That would be gross.  But a little weight lifting would be a step in the right direction.


I know these things will take time.  Especially since life is REALLY up in the air right now.  A terminally ill parent, grad school, and a baby have to take top priority right now (not in that order).  But when I can, I think I will start working on my list.

Midnight Shopping

It's been a long week... and it's only Wednesday.

The other night, Henry woke up at 11:30 for his first of what would be 3 night wakings.  I nursed him in a daze and put him back in his crib.  After I put him down, he started to stir again.  Rather than rush in there and pick him up, I stayed in bed.  I am trying to give him the opportunity to put himself to sleep.  I know it will help me in the long run.  However, it meant I couldn't just fall back asleep, since his half-asleep pseudo-cries were coming through the baby monitor loud and clear.

So what was I to do to keep myself awake?

Online shopping, of course.

After all, we needed more size 2 nipples for Henry's bottles.

And I had accidentally melted the piece that connects his pacifier to the string.

So off to the Amazon app I went.

I tracked down my items, added them to my cart, went to check out only to find out that they were "add on" items.  I needed to spend at least $25 for these items to ship.

So I thought to myself, "What do I need that I could get from Amazon?"  I didn't want to waste money.  I didn't want to get junk.  And I have to be able to ship it with PRIME.  And I drew a blank.

Somehow, I managed to fill my cart for a total of $30.  I checked out and will have my items by tomorrow sometime.

The only problem?  The next morning, I had NO IDEA what I had ordered.  Thankfully, I got my confirmation e-mail when everything shipped.  So what did I purchase?

The pacifier nipples

The pacifier clips (those things always disappear when we are trying to run out the door)

This pop-up toy (Christmas present)

A loofa

And some soft blocks

Can we say random?

No more midnight shopping.