Thursday, May 10, 2012

A New Season

I have a lot of feelings these days and a really hard time expressing them.  I wrote 5 blog posts this weekend and I don't like any of them.  They don't really have a clear purpose or message.  Probably because I can't get my own thoughts figured out.  I'd hate to spend the entire week with posts that don't really make sense or bombard you all with all these emotions I am having.  You probably don't want to hear about them and it feels really personal.  For the first time in a long time I am struggling with how much to share.

I was attempting to explain to Phil how I felt this weekend and he said, "At some point you are going to have to accept that you don't have cancer anymore."  Once he said that, I started kind of tearing up.  So many months of worrying like crazy and it was basically over.  I can't seem to wrap my mind around it.  I'm excited and exhausted and grateful and overwhelmed all at the same time.

Literally right when I got my results, the weather around here changed. We hadn't seen spring in Oregon for more than a day at a time. Ever since last Wednesday, there's been sunshine almost every day. There has actually been a change in the seasons around here. Winter is gone and a new, sunnier Spring has arrived. I find it hard to ignore the timing of it all.

I am cautiously optimistic for what this new season brings. Mainly I am cautious because after months of worrying, it feels strange to put cancer behind me. But it needs to happen and it is time. I just don't know how life sans thyroid will be like yet. I probably need to wait until my hormones are normal to figure it out for sure.

Mainly I wanted to apologize for my lack of response and boring blog posts. This morning I realized that I hadn't responded to any comments you guys left last week, which was pretty bratty of me.  I am very sorry.  So if you got an e-mail from me this morning about a comment you left me last week, now you know why.  :)

I am off to design some buildings and size some water quality facilities.  No big deal.  And to figure out what to do with this sunshine.  I will leave you with proof o the lovely weather we have been having.

{This morning I went to a site to auger some holes and look at the moisture of the soil.  I know you are SO JEALOUS of my job.  There happened to be this old chimney onsite.}

5 comments:

  1. Yay to be Cancer-free!! So proud of you for all that you have come through and accomplished!! I just did a post on Cancer today!

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  2. I really hope this new season brings well deserved joy for you!

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  3. Girl, please, believe me, it's blog posts where you vent your thoughts and emotions that makes your blog brilliant and interesting, and makes it a part of YOU, which is that, in my opinion, makes a blog interesting to read. Of course it's up to you how much you are comfortable with sharing. But I really like reading blogs like yours.
    And, I say AMEN to what Ashley said: Yay to be cancer free!!!

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  4. Such grand news. :) I hope this season brings more good things.


    Stopping by from the Not Mommy Hop.

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Let's be friends. I hope your e-mail is attached to your profile! Then I can e-mail you back.

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