Thursday, May 10, 2012

A New Season

I have a lot of feelings these days and a really hard time expressing them.  I wrote 5 blog posts this weekend and I don't like any of them.  They don't really have a clear purpose or message.  Probably because I can't get my own thoughts figured out.  I'd hate to spend the entire week with posts that don't really make sense or bombard you all with all these emotions I am having.  You probably don't want to hear about them and it feels really personal.  For the first time in a long time I am struggling with how much to share.

I was attempting to explain to Phil how I felt this weekend and he said, "At some point you are going to have to accept that you don't have cancer anymore."  Once he said that, I started kind of tearing up.  So many months of worrying like crazy and it was basically over.  I can't seem to wrap my mind around it.  I'm excited and exhausted and grateful and overwhelmed all at the same time.

Literally right when I got my results, the weather around here changed. We hadn't seen spring in Oregon for more than a day at a time. Ever since last Wednesday, there's been sunshine almost every day. There has actually been a change in the seasons around here. Winter is gone and a new, sunnier Spring has arrived. I find it hard to ignore the timing of it all.

I am cautiously optimistic for what this new season brings. Mainly I am cautious because after months of worrying, it feels strange to put cancer behind me. But it needs to happen and it is time. I just don't know how life sans thyroid will be like yet. I probably need to wait until my hormones are normal to figure it out for sure.

Mainly I wanted to apologize for my lack of response and boring blog posts. This morning I realized that I hadn't responded to any comments you guys left last week, which was pretty bratty of me.  I am very sorry.  So if you got an e-mail from me this morning about a comment you left me last week, now you know why.  :)

I am off to design some buildings and size some water quality facilities.  No big deal.  And to figure out what to do with this sunshine.  I will leave you with proof o the lovely weather we have been having.

{This morning I went to a site to auger some holes and look at the moisture of the soil.  I know you are SO JEALOUS of my job.  There happened to be this old chimney onsite.}


  1. Yay to be Cancer-free!! So proud of you for all that you have come through and accomplished!! I just did a post on Cancer today!

  2. I really hope this new season brings well deserved joy for you!

  3. Girl, please, believe me, it's blog posts where you vent your thoughts and emotions that makes your blog brilliant and interesting, and makes it a part of YOU, which is that, in my opinion, makes a blog interesting to read. Of course it's up to you how much you are comfortable with sharing. But I really like reading blogs like yours.
    And, I say AMEN to what Ashley said: Yay to be cancer free!!!

  4. Such grand news. :) I hope this season brings more good things.

    Stopping by from the Not Mommy Hop.


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