Monday, July 23, 2012

Another Monday

Well... the weekend is over.

It was a great weekend.  Saturday, I got to spend pretty much the whole day with girlfriends.  It was an awesome day of girl talk and hanging out that was completely and totally needed.  Sunday was definitely a day of rest.  We slept in, lazed around, and cuddled.

The fact that it was such a wonderful weekend makes it all the more sad that it is over.

Last week was hard.  Actually the last month has been really hard.  Numerous doctor appointments, tests, my first bloodwork post radioactive iodine, my first neck ultrasound for my cancer monitoring, plus a million and a half pregnancy annoucements.

I've had a lot of feelings and a TON of realizations.  And I'm just feeling a little stuck at the moment.  I'm not totally sure how much I should or want to share with people.  I have made a real effort on this blog to be open and honest about how I have felt during all my experiences.  Lately I have been feeling the need to hold back a little.  Kind of hunker down, put my head in the sand, and just make it through the next 9-12 months. 

I have spent so much time trying to get through the thyroid cancer stuff and put it behind us so that we could deal with what started this whole thing: having a baby.  The other day I realized that I had never really dealt with the feelings that come infertility itself. 

And we have had one huge thing happen after another pretty much since we got married.  Cancer is kind of a big deal.  And Phil finishing his doctorate degree is a big deal.  And infertility is a big deal. 

On the one hand, I am super annoyed that we have to spend this time waiting until I am cleared for the fertility stuff.  But on the other hand, I am a little grateful.  This time is letting me get mentally and physically prepared for the next big thing.

So that is kind of where my head is at this Monday morning.  That and thinking about these guys:


They are starting to like each other a little more.  Just a little.

3 comments:

  1. I have thought about you a lot and I know that it will be ok. Chin up my friend. Great days ahead

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  2. No matter how stuck you are, there is always a road ahead. Each day we are granted is one we have to cherish and live to the fullest. I can only try to understand how all this health stuff must make you feel, just realize that you are an inspiration to a lot of people out there. Eventually you'll get there and once you do, you are going to be so amazing! And you seem already pretty great to me :-)

    big hug!

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Let's be friends. I hope your e-mail is attached to your profile! Then I can e-mail you back.

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