My anxiety got the best of me. I started thinking about my upcoming appointment with my endocrinologist. She said some stuff last time that kind of freaked me out. Basically one of my blood tests wasn't as low as she wanted it to be. In reality, there's a perfectly good reason that it wasn't all that low. And she even told me that after I started freaking out. But that intital reaction stuck with me.
I started worrying about having to do more treatments for my thyroid cancer. And how that would delay our ability to start trying for a baby even longer.
Phil was able to calm me down. We went OVER AND OVER how my cancer was caught early and that I had done absolutely everything possible to get rid of all the cancer cells and that my scan had come back clean. My poor husband got even closer to his husband saint-hood because we had to talk about this for A WHILE.
And then I began to feel like even if all my test came back clean, that it would be forever until we actually had a baby. Sometimes, it feels like it will never happen. I remember feeling the same about getting married. It felt like something was going to go wrong and the wedding wouldn't actually happen. To a certain extent, I think that is probably normal when it comes to gigantic life events. They are so surreal, they feel impossible. Finding out you have cancer is one of those experiences as well.
So as I voiced these feelings to Phil (that it felt like we would never have a child), his response was, "Of course you feel like it will never happen. You can hardly wait 2 weeks to bring the puppy home... I bet 2 years does feel like forever."
Oh man he gets me. :)
But here's the things... Cotton comes home with us Saturday (insert me jumping up and down in utter excitement). And it always felt like that would never happen to (since it took two breeders, three litters, and puppies dying for us to get Cotton).
The cancer stuff will be fine. And the baby will happen. The same way it took a while for the puppy, it will take a while for the baby. But it will happen. The same way Cotton happened... all in good timing.
Breathe in... Breathe out... Be patient, Natalie.