A Season of Anxiety

Sorry for the silence on the blog the last couple of days.  Scheduling issues with our ultrasound (which we finally got worked out yesterday) plus the scheduling of my next neck ultrasound (totally routine 6-month check) has had me in a bit of an anxious mess.

I know everything should be fine with the neck ultrasound, but the last one was a bit nerve-racking since I ended up needing extra tests and all that jazz.  Everything ended up be fine.  Really great news, actually.  I really would rather NOT go through that again however.

If I am being totally honest, I'm still kind of mad about even having to go through this cancer stuff.  And it's never over.  I guess since the experience is still so fresh and raw in my mind, I'm not really over it yet.  It hasn't even been a year since my first surgery, so I guess it is to be expected.  But I keep trying to tell myself that I can't find out good news if I don't go get these check-ups done either.  And I'm all about good news.  :)

I feel like this month has been really stressful so far.  I thrive on a busy schedule.  And November was a REALLY busy month for us.  Once December hit, we had pretty much nothing on the calendar.  Phil was breathing a sigh of relief.  I was kind of freaking out on the inside.  Then my anxiety started kicking in.

We had to make decisions about where we would spend Christmas (Phil will be in Virginia, I will be here.  It's a long story).  Since I hadn't felt the baby move yet and I was hearing horror stories of women miscarrying at 16 weeks, I started getting anxious I would lose the baby (we had a doctor's appointment yesterday and everything looks great).  We had a rough time scheduling our ultrasound and I almost went into a deep depression when they told me it wouldn't be until January (we got it moved up to 2012).  And then throw in the neck ultrasound for good measure.

I have to keep reminding myself to lower my shoulders.

Meanwhile, Cotton has become more technologically advanced.  I came downstairs this morning to leave only to find that the television in the office was turned on.  It wasn't on when I let him out an hour earlier.  So he must have turned it on, all by himself.  I bet that scared the be-jeezus out of him.  Can you even picture that?  Kind of makes me laugh.

Plus I saw this the other day...

I guess all those days and night of watching me type taught him a thing or two.

Wish me luck/say a prayer for me today if you get the chance.  My neck ultrasound is this afternoon.  And as I may have mentioned, I'm a little anxious about it.  :)