Bump and Body

It's a couple of weeks old, but here's a bump picture:

{14 weeks, 5 days}

It's my attempt to be artsy as well as less self conscious.  Getting this picture only took 30 tries and about 3 arguments between my photographer (Phil) and I.  Let's just say it was a learning experience for the two of us.  We haven't done one since, but hopefully this weekend we will get around to it, since I will be 17 weeks.

I'm going to try to post regular bump pictures on here, but I'm not going to lie... I'm a little on the self conscious side these days.  Losing my thyroid and dealing with the stress of cancer has not been super kind to my body.  Ultimately, I know it doesn't matter.  I'll get back in shape after the baby is born.  But one thing I will not be doing is listing how much weight I have or have not gained.  I don't think that kind of information is helpful to anyone.

Don't get me wrong, I am over the moon excited to be pregnant.  Words can't express the relief, joy, excitement, elation, and gratitude I have for being pregnant.  And I've been more than shocked by my vain and ridiculous feelings regarding my body.  In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter what happens to my body because I'm going to get a baby.

But I feel a little sorry for my body.  It's had a rough year.  Cancer and then swinging thyroid hormones followed a little soon by pregnancy.  It never really got a break.  Never got a chance to find an equilibrium.  And next year won't be too much kinder to it either.  Phil keeps reminding me that I need to cut myself a lot of slack regarding my body.  He's totally right.

For now, I will do my best to accept that while my body may not look exactly the way it used to or how I might want it to, it's pretty amazing.  It had cancer, was assaulted with surgeries and radiation, and now it's growing a person.  That's nothing short of remarkable, no matter what it looks like.