Thursday, April 19, 2012

Our Infertility Story PART 2

(continued from PART 1...)

The next Thursday was my annual. It had been a year, so it was time to get it done. And I figured I would just get it out of the way. Afterall, the fertility clinic was going to insist I have a recent pap smear done and in their file.

I was so anxious for the appointment. At the time I had no idea why. Now I know it was a surge of thyroid hormones which had caused my extreme anxiety. I told the nurse doing my exam about our struggle to have a baby and our recent appointment with the fertility doctor. She decided that since I had been struggling to get pregnant, she was really going to do a thorough examination of my thyroid (which had been enlarged for at least 10 years).

That's when she found the nodule. Which turned out to be nodules. But I am pretty sure she found the cancerous one.

{Snoqualmie Falls, June 2011.  Our anniversary trip. 
A much needed break for us during the infertility stuff.}

I still remember the shot of anxiety that went through my body. Of course she reassured me that 95% of all nodules are benign, but I needed to get it checked out to be sure.  What followed were some blood tests, a neck ultrasound (can I just say waiting for a diagnostic ultrasound when you are infertile is like torture.  I saw AT LEAST 4 couples coming out with huge smiles on their faces and pictures of their developing fetus in their hands), and a referrel to an endocrinologist.

It took all my strength to not cry right there.  I was so afraid and at the time so SURE something was wrong.  It could have been intuition, but honestly I think I was driven by my anxiety and fear.  Some of the posts about my journey to the thyroid cancer diagnosis can be found HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE.

I just can't believe how much has happened since last Easter. I had no idea what was ahead of me. I had no idea the pain and fear and craziness that was awaiting us.

I looked at Phil and said, "I am so glad it isn't this time last year." And then I thought about this next year. At the very least, we will have to wait this year next year to start fertility treatments. But I will take it. After everything that has happened this past year, I can take a year of waiting.

I pray and pray and pray that my scan comes back clear. Assuming everything comes back alright, Phil and I are starting to come up with quite a wonderful list of things to do in hopefully our last year without a baby (or pregnant if you will).

I am hopeful that, eventually, I will get pregnant and have my baby. And when I do, I will be able to look down at him/her and thank him/her for taking so long to get here. He/She may have saved my life in doing so.

So please, if you will, send some prayers my way. Prayers that the Radioactive Iodine treatment kills any and all remaining thyroid and thyroid cancer cells. And prayers that the scan comes back clear (that the cancer hadn't spread).  Prayers for peace and comfort during the next couple of weeks.

Phil and I are so appreciative of every kind word and prayer that is said for us.  Your support means a lot to me.  Thank you so much from the bottom of my radioactive heart.  :)


6 comments:

  1. i am thanking you from the bottom of my duck hat that you shared your story. sending you lots and lots and lots of beaverish positive thoughts. but don't tell Chris.

    xoxo

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  2. prayers sent! try to keep a calm heart

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  3. I'll keep you in my prayers darlin!

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  4. Keeping you in my thoughts! What a journey. Your positive Outlook is amazing and inspirational!

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  5. Also keeping you in my thoughts - I hope everything goes well!

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  6. Thanks for sharing. May you have a blessed next year.

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